Imperial Teen

Wake up: 5:50 am
Slept for: 6 and a half hours
First thought is: Why does he sleep on the mornings I need him to be up and get up when I'd rather him sleep?
Baby is: Easy. I really shouldn't think complaining thoughts.
This is: An easy thing to eliminate (ungrateful thoughts and thoughts about situations I can do nothing about and will sort out on their own). Ditching those kinds of thoughts will instantly free up energy that is much better invested into something else.
Daughter is: On the brink of entering into Childhood (a must-read Neil Postman's Disappearance of Childhood). It's magical—this time in her life, not Postman's book. His book is insightful and a bit of a call to arms.
This is: So fun for me to be a part of.
Man is: "Working hardily"
This is: Layered.
Goal for the day: Keep my heart open and slay the invasive, energy-sucking thoughts with love and light.
Kabbalah says: "Without knowing your true desires, you don't stand much of a chance of attaining them."
First bananas thought: No bananas today.
Arrive at gym: Tonight!
Workout is: Going to happen.
Today's song is: Imperial Teen by Imperial Teen
Best lyric is: I'm up to my neck in party favors, pesticides and pills
Best spam subject line: Brazilian beauty babes having the hots for you
It's the best because: People really fall for this?
I want: Egg whites, portobello mushrooms and avocado on a whole wheat wrap.
I love: Korean delis—or whatever the PC term is for them now.
I wish: The suburbs did more delivery. I guess that wouldn't be very eco-cool.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Cleansing next week.
Being a mom means: Making mac and cheese...a lot.
Being a wife means: Having your own in-house support system.
Being a business owner means: Marathon running.
Out of the mouths of babes:
Today I ate: High fiber cereal and skim milk, cod and salad, sauteed vegetables and white beans—and bites of that dang mac and cheese. It is my kryptonite.
Today I drank: Water—oh, and coffee. I always forget to mention that. It's usually about 1/2 a cup—though some days are multiple cuppers.
Work was: Up and down.
Today I learned: Chewing gum really helps to curb your appetite. The act of chewing distracts you from eating, especially since most eating is not hunger-based, but boredom/habit-based.
I am: Practically just in the middle of my day—or at least it feels like it. The day flew by and I still have so much to accomplish.
Tomorrow I will: Practice restricting my reactions to things even more.

Everybody's Got Their Something

Wake up: 6:00 am
Slept for: Six hours
First thought is: Do I have enough time to get out of the house by 6:30?
Baby is: Getting over his colicky time.
This is: A relief. The doctor said it'd only last a few weeks and she was right.
Daughter is: Going through such a rapid emotional growth spurt at present. Are all ages from now on like this?
This is: Almost daunting to watch but also very inspiring. I am inspired to grow, too.
Man is: Let me email him to see...He says: Working, just working...
This is: I don't know, really.
Goal for the day: Restriction. Clean body. Clean mind.
Kabbalah says: Go against your nature and do what's uncomfortable.
First bananas thought: Oh, lordy—too many to recount.
Arrive at gym: Worked out with Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com). It was awesome. At one point, I was sure I couldn't go on, but I did.
Workout is: Ah ah, push it.
Today's song is: Everybody's Got Their Something by Nikka Costa
Best lyric is: My face to the sky
Dreaming about just how high
I could go and I'll know
When I finally get there
Best spam subject line: Blair: I'm Not Gay, That's Just My Accent
It's the best because: It's sheer comedy.
I want: To do the Blueprint Cleanse. I thought I'd wait until the fall, but Amy just suggested we do it now and I'm totally into it. It scares me, so I know I have to do it.
I love: Finishing up my work for the day.
I wish: Me in a bikini with Caroline and Mikell in Miami circa 2003. The pic is right in front of me on my desk to motivate me to get back to where I once belonged.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Like 5,000 things—all fabulous.
Being a mom means: Understanding other moms' need to protect their children.
Being a wife means: Standing by your man—and nooging him. Does nudge come from nooge?
Being a business owner means: Don't stop believing.
Out of the mouths of babes: There were some gems today and while I endeavored to commit them to memory, lately my memory isn't so committed.
Today I ate: Egg whites, turkey on high fiber bread with mustard, a peach, popcorn, cod and salad.
Today I drank: Water and some red wine. Alcohol sucks. Seriously, it sucks the life out out of you.
Work was: Fast-paced.
Today I learned: It's not about where you start. It's about where you end up.
I am: Sure that the answers are here.
Tomorrow I will: Be even more sure.

Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing

Wake up: 5:50 am
Slept for: About 6 hours
First thought is: Why am I so tired?
Baby is: Hanging in his Kick & Play, trying to sort out how grab the hanging things.
This is: Entertaining him long enough for me to start this post and perhaps make coffee.
Daughter is: Very sweet to him. And he absolutely, wholly adores her. I understand why he's into Shawn and me (we take care of him) but to see this natural response to his sister is so interesting.
This is: Normal, I know—but still fascinating to witness.
Man is: Still sleeping right now.
This is: Fine—he went to bed later than I did. The amount of work required to create and maintain THE FAMILY GROOVE is simply staggering.
Goal for the day: Keep my focus and energy level up. I can feel it on the wane a bit because it's been on high for so long. I used to know a woman called High Voltage (seriously) and her whole things was "Energy Up!" Saying it (kinda actually works) and doing things to support it like working out and cutting out sugar, salt, white flour, high sugar foods like carrots, corn, white potatoes, etc. She got Kylie and Danni Minogue into bomb-ass shape, amongst other celebs. She was onto something.
Kabbalah says: "Move towards that joy today. Let it color your every thought and action. When you lose focus, bring it back to the joy."
First bananas thought: I'm a bit to dim (being very dim—who gets that literary reference?) to get to the bananas level yet.
Arrive at gym: Going tonight after DB3 (dinner, bath, bed, book).
Workout is: Better late than never. Walked into the gym at 9:10 pm or so. I am warrior though. Shooting at the walls of heartache. Bang. Bang. Warriors come out and pla-a-y-yay.
Today's song is: Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing by Stevie Wonder—I though it was just organically in my head, but I just realized that it's used in a commercial and I have the news on in the background.
Best lyric is:
Everybody's got a thing
But some don't know how to handle it
Always reachin' out in vain
Accepting the things not worth having
Best spam subject line: Angelina Jolie...
It's the best because: You know you've imprinted on the popular consciousness when you're used in a spam. It might be my second goal, after being a commentator on VHI. I mean, seriously, I know a few people who do it. What's the big deal about them? No offense to them.
I want: To be a freakin' commentator on VHI shows. Who knows more about pop culture than me? Okay, many people, but I'd still do a good job.
I love: Sparkling water. Seriously, I didn't realize I had it in the house until this evening. Drinking it feels gratifying. It's interactive—and it makes me feel fancy.
I wish: Miley Cyrus wouldn't take the Hannah Montana wig off. She looks much better as a blond.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Grandiose, cinematic scenes in mind that romanticize my day-to-day.
Being a mom means: Calming your own frenetic self down for the sake of your kids.
Being a wife means: Learning that Jeremy Shockey got traded to the Saints.
Being a business owner means: Do do do do do do do do do Do do do do do do do do do
Do the hustle Do do do do do do do do do Do do do do do do do do do
Out of the mouths of babes: "I am going to marry Emmet and Gabby is going to marry me."
Today I ate: Clean and lean.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Intense and productive. We signed with MTVN today.
Today I learned: You don't ask, you don't get.
I am: Going to shower and get back to work.
Tomorrow I will: Pull back the curtain even more.

Dragula

Wake up: 6:45 am
Slept for: Almost 7 hours
First thought is: Thank goodness the baby slept so late.
Baby is: Bored. I totally think he is bored.
This is: Something I can do something about. I have to engage him more. He's almost ready for that play station thingy. What's it called? Oh, yes. The exersaucer.
Daughter is: Out and about with her grandmother, dressed as if she were going to lunch with the Queen.
This is: Cute, yet puzzling.
Man is: Playing softball. His two hours a week out of the house is over in an hour.
This is: Actually not true. He plays one night a week, for a total of four hours out of the house.
Emails to check: 30 something.
Goal for the day: Do things that will sustain my positive feelings like eating cleanly, folding the pile of towels on my bed versus watching them sit there all day (bad feng shui), drinking lots of water, completing my work to-do lists sans grumblings, etc.
Kabbalah says: "How much pain and trouble is caused because we misinterpret what people say and do to us? It's our ego-centric nature to think the worst and to take everything personally. It's not in our nature to think, I wonder what's going on for him right now? What pain inside caused him to do or say that?"
First bananas thought: I could change my blog name to MWA (Mothers with Attitude). Nah. You have to be pretty badass to pull an NWA pastiche like that off.
Arrive at gym: 9:50 am
Workout is: Just cardio—33 minutes of a weight burning program. I had half an hour of coverage from my mom since Shawn was at his game. I only worked out four times this week—and I begged, borrowed and stole those workouts. It's very difficult to get the time when you're working constantly as well as the sitter coverage when you do have a hot minute to go. It's worth it though. You have to hustle, but it's worth it.
Today's song is: One of the best workout songs ever: Dragula by Rob Zombie
Best lyric is: It's not about the lyrics. It's about the durgy, speed metally guitars.
Best spam subject line: Flat earth society disbanded.
It's the best because: WTF?
I want: To amend my "Today I learned" from yesterday. I learned or I should have learned that fresh bread is my crack cocaine. Bread is whack.
I love: Mondays—unlike Bob Geldof.
I wish: People saw the tumult and strain of the times as an opportunity for growth and change instead of complaining about it ad nauseum.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: These little bumps on my arms that I get, apparently, postpartum. A lot of moms seem to get them and they do go away eventually, but they're a drag in the interim.
Being a mom means: Being hella organized and planning everything.
Being a wife means: I don't know but I am starting to think this topic would make a good book. I bet a lot of women struggle with that question.
Being a business owner means: Thinking big, but working small.
Out of the mouths of babes:
Today I ate: I'm doing well except for the piece(s) of dark chocolate, which actually gave me a headache.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Well, it's way still going. It's going going for a while.
Today I learned: Not sure yet.
I am: 32. I'm freakin' 32. How did I get to be 32?
Tomorrow I will: Reharness my waning energy and push on. I'm thinking it's time to get meditation back into my life.

Street Fighting Man

Wake up: 5:oo-ish
Slept for: 6 hours
First thought is: So many thoughts ricocheted against the walls of my mind today—I couldn't tell you my first thought, if you paid me.
Baby is: Got some little rashy thing on his right cheek. Poor little man. Scarlett never had anything like that. He's all drooly too. She almost never drooled.
This is: It's kinda ugly, I have to say. He's still a dreamboat though.
Daughter is: Doing so majorly great with the potty training. We're just about there.
This is: Good because we've got a little over month to nail it.
Man is: Watering the grass. Yes. Right now. At 9:52 pm.
This is: The first time we've had to water the grass all year.
Emails to check: Today was a less than busy Saturday, emails-wise.
Goal for the day: Finish my work—which I did! And the best part was that there was no other work to do like laundry, cleaning or Whole Fooding. We did all that during the week, including food shopping, which Shawn and Scarlett did last night. I swear, it was almost like a vacation day today, what with only have to concentrate on work and the kids.
Kabbalah says: To ask the light for help. And so I have.
First bananas thought: Oh my! There were so many today. My mom sat in back of Madonna and her brood at services today. This nugget started me on a speeding train of thoughts, ranging from we'll get her to do a TFG interview to we'll get her to invest in the company. It ended, as Madonna fantasies do, with us being friends.
Arrive at gym: 3:30-ish
Workout is: Good. Preprogrammed weight loss course. Burned 400 calories in 33 minutes.
Today's song is: Street Fighting Man by The Rolling Stones—but I was thinking Street Fighting Mom. And I momentarily considered changing my blog title to that, but, really, I'm no street fighter.
Best lyric is:
Hey! Think the time is right for a palace revolution
But where I live the game to play is compromise solution
Best spam subject line: Guinness record boobs
It's the best because: Guinness record boobs? Because it's freakin' hysterical.
I want: To go to sleep.
I love: When the littles are sleeping.
I wish: I knew if I should nix this question. I'm not really a wisher.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Knocking down my house and rebuilding greenly—and getting a camera crew/TV show to document it.
Being a mom means: Going swimming with your daughter at 7, even though it's easier to stay home and clean up from the day.
Being a wife means: Thinking about someone else.
Being a business owner means: Focus and agility.
Out of the mouths of babes: "This is my jam!"
Today I ate: Well...until dinner. Same song, different day.
Today I drank: Not nearly enough water. Don't know why either.
Work was: What it was.
Today I learned: I am not alone.
I am: Really, truly tired—which I rarely am.
Tomorrow I will: Workout, work and Mommy.

Lucky Man

Wake up: 4:50 am
Slept for: 5 1/2 hours
First thought is: No choice. Have to get up.
Baby is: Not up. Not even stirring. Of course. The one day I want him to be up so I can feed him and put him back to sleep in time to leave for training with Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com), he's stone cold sleeping.
This is: What it is. I woke him at 5:30 upon hearing the faintest peep. And my plan worked, he was back to crib by 6 and slept until 7 or so.
Daughter is: Being taught that she is in control of her thoughts and her happiness lives in her ability to make good decisions and understand that everything is a choice.
This is: Maaaaaajor.
Man is: Let me ask him. We're actually in the same room. "Man is:" Inaudible groan. "Making fake cookies." A few minutes later... "Man is: Using hot dogs for fingers."
This is: Patient of him.
Emails to check: An unusually small amount—something like 5.
Goal for the day: Get the hell out of my comfort zone—for everything.
Kabbalah says: This is my paraphrase: Go where the difficult is. If it's easy, then it's not for you. Out of the hard work and challenge, comes the light.
First bananas thought: I should write a book about how to overcome blowing your diet when you hit your bad eating hours. You know, for some it's from 5 to 7 (like me), for others it's earlier and for some it's late night but many of us hit a time when our resolve is withered and we make one bad food choice and then the flood gates open.
Arrive at gym: Arrived at Lori's at 6:25 am
Workout is: The best yet. I almost couldn't do it toward the end. I was dripping with sweat and just about ready to give up. That's how you're supposed to do it, people.
Today's song is: Lucky Man by The Verve
Best lyric is: But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?
Best spam subject line: Madonna admits to adultery.
It's the best because: Just the mere mention of her Madgesty sends me.
I want: Ummm...nothing really.
I love: Kettle One martinis, shaken, dry, with olives.
I wish: Laundry folded itself. I think I wish this or some semblance of this fairly often. I should bigger my wishes.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: A little rectangle of happiness called The Magic Eraser. Dudes, it is magic.
Being a mom means: One handed eating.
Being a wife means: Understanding traditional male and female roles. Now, it doesn't mean adhering to them, but you should understand the paradigm.
Being a business owner means: Faith.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Oh, Mommy, your dress is beeee-u-ti-fil. You look like a princess." About a dress that barely fit and, truly, honestly, looked terrible on me.
Today I ate: Super duper. So clean. Gold star for me.
Today I drank: Water and a martini.
Work was: Good.
Today I learned: It's best to kill 'em with kindness.
I am: Not going to edit that last article tonight. Mental juice fading...
Tomorrow I will: Stress less. Live more.

Synchronicity II

Wake up: 5 am
Slept for: 6 hours
First thought is: I can't go to the gym. I need this morning time to work.
Baby is: Aware. So aware.
This is: The time to step it up and start engaging him even more.
Daughter is: Aware. So aware.
This is: Time to step it up and start shaping the realities of which she is aware.
Man is: Let me email to see. Okay, Man is: Thinking...always thinking.
This is: Good. We be needing some solutions thunk up.
Emails to check: 20 something, I think.
Goal for the day: Do what I say I am going to do without oozing to much gusto.
Kabbalah says: "Today, make sure your needs are met. Not the superficial desires, but the deep yearnings of your soul. Get enough air in your lungs so you'll have that much more energy to truly help others."
First bananas thought: As thought with a stain of sheer panic: They're going to do it first. We need to be first.
Arrive at gym: I have no idea when I'd be able to go to the gym today. Maybe at 5 for a half an hour, during my work pause/dinner time.
Workout is: Just not happening today. 5 came and went without a break in work.
Today's song is: Synchronicity II
Best lyric is: Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all the suicides are fake
Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take
Best spam subject line: Elloelloello
It's the best because: It makes me think of the few years (say 18 to 22) when I was English.
I want: Promise, dammit!
I love: Porsche sunglasses. Timeless.
I wish: They made biodegradable diapers, so I wouldn't have to feel so bad. Do they, actually?
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Courtney Love. Why is she still the coolest ever? Have you seen the image on her homepage? Did Kurt help her with Live Through This with her? This question has plagued me for like 14 years.
Being a mom means: The one-handed feed and the one-handed type.
Being a wife means: Making time.
Being a business owner means: Lateral thinking.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Ice cream makes me feel better." To which I said: "No, it doesn't; it just tastes good. Thinking happy thoughts makes you feel better." Oh, if only I had known that earlier on in life.
Today I ate: This high fiber cereal with a picture of a slightly older guy and a girl all jazzed up about fiber on the front. It's like an SNL parody.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Pretty productive.
Today I learned: The universe listens to what you tell it and answers what you ask of it.
I am: In the middle of the bath and bed marathon.
Tomorrow I will: Grow.

Can't Catch Me

Wake up: 5 to get the baby. 6 for real.
Slept for: I really don't know what time I fell asleep last night. I know it was before I finished folding the laundry. I wish there were a laundry folding fairy. I guess they're actually called housekeepers.
First thought is: I have so much time to do all the things I want to do like put in another laundry, edit an article, return emails before I go to the gym. Seriously, this was my thought and it made me happy. I love having time to get a jump on things. Waking up early is a key factor in my overall happiness because it helps me to feel in control. I highly recommend it.
Baby is: On day four (or so) of a real baby schedule which includes sleeping through the night, cat-napping from 6 to 11-ish and then mega-napping from 11 to 3 or so. Eventually, he will convert his...sorry, I had to go, he got up. I'm hoping it's just a slight awake pause in his marathon of sleep. I better not talk about this anymore. I think I am angering the parenting gods.
This is: Nothing. Forget it. I said nothing about a schedule or sleep. Never mind any of it.
Daughter is: Out with her sitter, a gem of a girl who's been in our lives for two years now. We got lucky with her.
This is: Comforting. She's smart, responsible, patient and conscientious and having her spend time with Scarlett doesn't make me feel guilty about not spending the time with her myself.
Man is: I am going to email him to find out. He is downstairs in his office, by the way. He says: Still here.
This is: Going to plague me for hours, days, weeks, as to its meaning, when it probably means nothing. Oh, just got a follow-up email with subject line "Just Kidding" and text that reads: Man is not that grouchy today. Gratuitous wonderment and ill-drawn conclusions averted.
Emails to check: I think there where a decent amount, but it's been six hours since I checked them and millions of thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams have replaced that speck of info.
Goal for the day: Pay very close attention to my words and, hence, my thoughts.
Kabbalah says: "Keep working, moving forward, sharing and caring about the people who cross your path. You'll get your slice in due time. The harder you work for it, the tastier it'll be."
First bananas thought: Harvey Weinstein would be good on this project. He thinks big and takes chances.
Arrive at gym: 8:00 am
Workout is: Good. Not enough time for weights—I just got there 20 minutes too late. I did have time for 36 minutes of cardio on the Precor, levels 5 and 6 of the weight loss program. I cannot stress enough how much better it is to do the preprogrammed workouts. I'll do pushups, dips and free weights at home today. And know that I've typed it out, I have to do it.
Today's song is: Can't Catch Me by Lita Ford
Best lyric is: Don't think I'm easy—I wasn't born blonde
Best spam subject line: Don't be shy
It's the best because: It makes me think of Kajagoogoo. Anything that makes me think of 1983 is the best.
I want: A local all-night (or at least late night) pedicure and manicure place. I think it'd be a hit with the suburban moms—especially if they served drink-drinks.
I love: Do-overs.
I wish: I could see around the corner.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Money.
Being a mom means: Stopping what you are doing, getting up from the computer and taking a minute be there for your child.
Being a wife means: Dividing and conquering.
Being a business owner means: Using what you got.
Out of the mouths of babes: Mama, I want you. Oh, forget it. Daddy's coming.
Today I ate: Good—pretty similar to yesterday's menu but I had oatmeal and berries for breakfast.
Today I drank: Coffee, green tea, water.
Work was: Productive. I know something big is brewing.
Today I learned: What you focus on expands.
I am: Going to stay focused on watching what I focus on.
Tomorrow I will:

This is Radio Clash

Wake up: 4:45 am (I think)
Slept for: 6 or so hours
First thought is: Way too tired to think.
Baby is: Probably fine even though he is stirring.
This is: Loud. Stirring is freakin' loud.
Daughter is: Tired a lot lately because we've been putting her to bed to late.
This is: Stopping.
Man is: Grouchy.
This is: Understandable.
Emails to check: 40 something.
Goal for the day: Be proactive. Make a game plan. Enact that game plan.
Kabbalah says: Break an addictive pattern today. Or at least set the intention to do so.
First bananas thought: Oh, today's speeding train of thoughts kicked up so much dust. I'm still coughing.
Arrive at gym: Still haven't gone. I have 45 minutes to build up the mental juice to go.
Workout is: Nothing so far.
Today's song is: This is Radio Clash by The Clash
Best lyric is: Forces have been looting my humanity
Best spam subject line: Hey hottie, wanna talk?
It's the best because: How do they know I'm hot?
I want: To want to go to the gym.
I love: Chocolate ganache and a very many reality TV shows.
I wish: I could better differentiate between reality and fantasy in my mind's eye.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Feathered hair.
Being a mom means: Having to examine yourself in one of those close-up mirrors—you know, the ones they have in hotel rooms for some reason—every day.
Being a wife means: Not adding it up.
Being a business owner means: Agility.
Out of the mouths of babes: I didn't mentally record any of Scarlett's gems today. That makes me feel a little sad.
Today I ate: Fruit for breakfast, turkey slices and whole grain, high fiber bread for lunch, half a protein bar (low sugar) for lunch, a turkey meatball for snack and fish and veg for dinner. What an accomplishment! I claim victories wherever and whenever I can. It definitely contributes to my overall happiness.
Today I drank: Water with cucumber slices—so I could pretend I was at a spa.
Work was: All over the place, emotionally, but still productive on the writing and editing-front.
Today I learned: You're in control of your own happiness.
I am: Battling.
Tomorrow I will: Win.

Brass Monkey

Wake up: 5:45 am (I heard the babe stirring). Then I passed back out and woke up at 8:30, feeling groggy and even more tired than before.
Slept for: Over 8 hours.
First thought is: I feel hungover. A quick mind scan of the past 12 hours revealed that it would be impossible for me to be hungover because that would've required drinking alcohol. I concluded that I must have been dehydrated from not drinking enough water yesterday.
Baby is: Big, man. He is super big. We call him Smiles McGee because he's the smiliest baby ever seen.
This is: Interesting. I wonder if he'll be using his smiles for good or up-to-no-good.
Daughter is: Basically a teenager. I asked her if she liked any of the boys at her camp (but I meant liked like like not like-like) and when she told me she did, she lit up. I realized her like was like a like-like.
This is: Agita-inducing. It brought up so many issues of liking boys in 7th grade and them not liking me back. All I could think about was that I hoped that boy liked her, too. What? I am hoping a three year old boy likes my three year old girl? Issues, man. I gots issues.
Man is: I should just let him fill in this blank.
This is: This one, too.
Emails to check: 18.
Goal for the day: Food shopping. Check. Gym. Soon. Work. Check.
Kabbalah says: A good one, so I am going to post the whole thing. And, by the way, you substitute the word "light" or "creator" with words like "your higher self, " "god," "the universe."

Consider the light bulb in your ceiling. You flip a switch, and on it goes. But the light bulb is not the source of the light; the real source is an electric generator somewhere you can't even see. And there are rules around how much light can be emitted as well as when and why. The same is true with the Light of the Creator.

One of the common mistakes we all make is to confuse a person or thing with the Light. For instance, nothing feels as good as falling in love. So naturally we associate our girlfriend or boyfriend with those happy feelings and assume that person is the source of them. But it doesn't work that way. No other person can guarantee us the good feelings of love we are after. It's the way we act in relation to other people that brings the Light.

And that's what today is all about. Remembering that ultimately, your relationship to people and places is about your relationship to the Light of the Creator.
First bananas thought: Was in a dream I had last night about opening a cool juice bar called Juice or Cleanse, where people would go and hang and listen to awesome music and read and do all the stuff that people do in coffee houses.
Arrive at gym: Going in about 20 minutes.
Workout is: 33 minutes of a preprogrammed weight loss workout on the Precor (see "What I learned" below) and upper body (triceps, back, shoulders) supersets, complete with dips and pushups in between the sets.
Today's song is: Brass Monkey by the Beastie Boys
Best lyric is: Like the whole song but if I had to narrow it down:
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
Best spam subject line: Nothing today.
It's the best because: Pass.
I want: Something cute to wear to Anna's baby shower tomorrow.
I love: Butter.
I wish: I were more motivated tonight to finish my work.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: The mess in my foyer.
Being a mom means: Doing what you say you're going to do.
Being a wife means: This is so interesting to me because I am often so stumped by the question. I mean so stumped that I wonder if I should just change it to "Being a partner means" or "Being in a relationship means."
Being a business owner means: Staying in the ring.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Mom, can I have some of your rolling paper?" She meant wrapping paper.
Today I ate: Salmon sushi roll made with whole grain rice from Whole Foods and vegetables for breakfast. We went shopping early and had breakfast there and the aforementioned were better options over egg and cheese on a roll. Turkey slices and a plum for lunch. Half a protein bar for snack (with no sugar!). Shrimp cocktail, salad and chicken for dinner. Fruit and two cookies for dessert. All that controlled eating was ruined in minute.
Today I drank: Water and a few sips of red wine.
Work was: Good. Still going, though I am fading.
Today I learned: That it's better to do your cardio with one of the preprogrammed workouts. I did the weight loss workout and got my heart rate up to 148 almost immediately. I burned 400 calories in 33 (I think it was 33—it was an odd number) minutes. I usually only burn about 300 to 310 in 30 minutes. Just be sure to raise the resistance level to at least 5. I did the easier parts at 6 and the harder parts at 5. Also, Lori (www.mommy-moves.com) told me that I was not to hold onto the handles anymore when doing my cardio. It makes it much harder, but you're forced to activate (hence, tone) your core and the movement of your arms increases your total body output.
I am: Biting my nails in between answering these questions.
Tomorrow I will: Do better.

History Repeating

Wake up: 5 with the babe, 6 with the alarm.
Slept for: 6 hours.
First thought is: No thoughts at 5. At 6 I thought: I'm just going to go back to bed. But I didn't. I knew I'd regret it an hour later.
Baby is: Repairing the negative feelings and misgivings I had from being a first-time mom.
This is: Amazing. Great. It is so truly amazing-great to see how life works and how, when you trust the process, you are delivered to wholeness.
Daughter is: Watching cartoons. I need to get her on the fast track so we can leave on time for camp.
This is: Always stressful for me, but I really should get a grip. I mean, hello! That is stressful? What is my problem?
Man is: Egging me on with funny—and inappropriate—things to answer this prompt with.
This is: Him.
Emails to check: 30-something again. I keep forgetting to log the number in my sieve—uh, brain, whatever you call it.
Goal for the day: Not stress out over little things. It's almost as if I've mastered not being stressed out over major (may-jah) things, but that dang stress needs to be in the mix, so it riles me up over inconsequential minutia.
Kabbalah says: Why are you alive? What did your soul come here to do? Ask enough times— and with intensity—and you will start seeing signs pointing you in the right direction.
First bananas thought: I can't say that I've had one today. Or, perhaps, they're just all so bonkers that they seem normal.
Arrive at gym: 6:30 am
Workout is: Cardio was a B-. I just lacked focus but I still managed to get my heart rate up and sweat. The good part is that I worked in weights, which is so vital. I bumped into a friend who was working out with a trainer. The trainer said something very interesting about weight loss: 75 percent is nutrition. Boo! And he's so right. I've been pretty good on the eating-front but then I totally spazz out and blow in one fell forkful. Just because you're working out doesn't mean that you can't eat 100 percent cleanly—if you are aiming to achieve a goal. If you're just maintaining, then you can be a little freer.
Today's song is: History Repeating by The Propellerheads
Best lyric is: They say the next big thing is here, that the revolution's near, but to me it seems quite clear that it's all just a little bit of history repeating
Best spam subject line: Your lady will go nuts.
It's the best because: The word "lady" is funny.
I want: The whole red snapper from Indochine.
I love: Manhattan.
I wish: There were a Barneys here. Not that I could buy anything from it right now, but at least I'd have a place to retreat to when the going gets boring.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: A Spanish-style ranch.
Being a mom means: That point in the day when you go from loving the quiet in the house to missing your kid because she's not there to make noise.
Being a wife means: Thinking—and actually caring—about what someone else other you and your kids want and need.
Being a business owner means: Friday night meetings. They should be liquid meetings but, surely, Amy and I are too tired by that time to even lift the glass up.
Out of the mouths of babes:
Today I ate: Fairly clean. I fought mid-day sweets urges, which definitely helped me not to derail come dinner time.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: An exercise in sharing.
Today I learned: That when people tell you who they are, you should believe them.
I am: Still in my gym clothes at 6:12 pm.
Tomorrow I will: Be in those clothes until I shower much later tonight.

Turning Japanese

Wake up: I don't quite think I went to sleep—maybe from 11:30-ish to 1:47 when Shawn came in and then Scarlett to follow, complete with kicks and tosses and turns. Marlon got up at 4 for some reason—or was it earlier. I really don't remember much about last night. I do know that I got up 6.
Slept for: Yeah. I just don't know.
First thought is: I'm so tired that I feel nauseous. I kind of like that feeling—there's a comfort in it, as it hearkens back to being young and never sleeping.
Baby is: Having a weird colic thing from 6 or 7 pm until he goes to sleep at 8-ish.
This is: Going to pass shortly, according to my pediatrician. It gives me empathy for moms who have severely colicky kids.
Daughter is: Sitting next to me at her desk, coloring and using her computer.
This is: Loud...and sweet.
Man is: God, this one always stumps me.
This is: I just don't know.
Emails to check: They were responded to with one eye open this morning. I have no idea how many there were—or how I answered them, for that matter. Lovely.
Goal for the day: Get work done.
Kabbalah says: Gold coins. Spiritually speaking, that's exactly what you receive every time you share.
First bananas thought: I am like the white Janet Jackson—minus the millions, the siblings and the dance ability. Seriously, this is a most bananas thought. I didn't even know what it meant when I was thinking it.
Arrive at gym: Worked out with Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com) at 7 am.
Workout is: Super—and hard. It doesn't matter how motivated you are or how much you (think you) know about working out; working out with a trainer is the best way to go.
Today's song is: Turning Japanese by The Vapors
Best lyric is: I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
Best spam subject line: How the French stay so thin.
I want: A nap.
I love: The house when it's quiet.
I wish: We could take a vacation.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: The decline of western civilization that is I Love Money. I caught the preview montage of the season at the end of the first episode. It's really, really bad. I mean, it's so bad that I am offended. It's an insult to the intelligence of anyone and everyone. I will, of course, watch it.
Being a mom means: Doing things properly—even when you want to half-ass them.
Being a wife means: Getting rid of the Alice Cooper mascara run-off from underneath your eyes—even though you could care less that it's there.
Being a business owner means: Sacrifice—much like the kind you make for your children.
Out of the mouths of babes: Oh, he's dead now (about one of her little koala bears)
Today I ate: Chicken breast (a portion the size of a deck of cards) and salsa for breakfast, brown rice sushi for lunch, whole wheat pasta (just one cup) and chicken for dinner.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Fine. I am having bouts of writer's block, but, over the years, I've learned how to push through them. I really have no choice. It's difficult to stay inspired and fresh when you are writing all the time but it's also a cool exercise to see how far you can challenge yourself. When you think you have nothing left give, you must persevere. You'll be amazed at how much more is really there. It's a good lesson for all aspects of life.
Today I learned: The lower the number on the bottom of the plastic bottles is, the easier the bottles are to recycle. Hence, if you are going to use plastic stuff, stick to bottles/containers that are a 4 or below.
I am: Not tired. Not awake. Not inspired. Not dull.
Tomorrow I will: Write. Edit. Write. Edit. Write. Edit. Write. Edit. Write. Edit. Write. Edit.

Kick Start My Heart

Wake up: 6
Slept for: 6.5 hours
First thought is: I have so much to accomplish today—I am excited to do it. In retrospect, I don't think it was a whole-hearted sentiment, but rather an attempt to psych myself up for a long day of focus.
Baby is: On a great schedule. (How overused is the word "great" lately? Great is the new amazing—which is an interesting sign of the times. I wonder if the economy plays a part in the scale of hyperbole or if the words we use en masses are more random than that.)
This is: Great—though I know that every time you settle into a baby schedule, it changes.
Daughter is: Definitely handling all her big changes (camp for 6 or 7 hours), mastering potty training, sleeping through the night in her own bed, having a new baby in the house. It's so much on her and she really is doing well. It's such a commitment on our part—not that I am surprised by that, but still, lately too few people talk about how much discipline, follow-through, action and intention it takes to be a parent. It's certainly forcing us to be better and stronger people with better integrity of word and intention.
This is: Very cool (not just great). It feels good to be deconstructed (though it certainly did not after I had Scarlett and my whole world shifted) and reconstructed on a daily basis.
Man is: A deconstructer-reconstructer kind of guy. He's always seeking to better himself. It's sometimes annoying, but I know that when it annoys me, it means that I need to step it up.
This is: Annoying.
Emails to check: 30-something.
Goal for the day: Pay attention to what annoys me in other people, as I'm just seeing what annoys me about myself in them.
Kabbalah says: When you drop your great expectations of others, you more fully connect to the light.
First bananas thought: I am going to get a wind turbine for our house—which is really only a bananas thought because we can't be buying anything right now and not because we couldn't eventually have our own mini turbine.
Arrive at gym: Going tonight at 8.
Workout is: Going to be super fly.
Today's song is: Kickstart My Heart by Motley Crue
Best lyric is: Hmmmm... Sorry Nikki but the lyrics aren't so great called out. But they do rule as a whole piece.
Best spam subject line: Say No to Ed
I want: To stop biting my nails.
I love: Beck.
I wish: I had the new Beck album.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Effectively eliminating sugar from my diet. It's worse than fat, peeps.
Being a mom means: Being there (and really being present) for most dinner, bath, book, bed routines. And, man, is that ever tough to do some nights.
Being a wife means: Learning how to pick your battles. It's a good thing to learn for life, in general.
Being a business owner means: Seeing the big picture while your in the trenches of minutia.
Out of the mouths of babes: I want Daddy to read because he's kind and nice and he gives me food and he works and he works and he works.
Today I ate: Egg whites and vegetables with salsa (so easy—you can even used the prefabbed egg whites and frozen veggies, as long as they're organic and low sodium), fish and veg for lunch (it was a frozen meal thingy from Whole Foods), chicken and a small serving whole wheat pasta for dinner. Turkey slices and few cheat chips for snack. Oh, one spoonful of marmalade because I took my eye off the prize for a minute. Can't do that, folks. Just can't do it.
Today I drank: Lots of water.
Work was: A bit Groundhog's Day-ish.
Today I learned: When you recycle your bottles, you have to take the tops off or they won't be recycled.
I am: Back from the gym.
Tomorrow I will: Start again.