Hedwig and the Angry Inches

Angry.
Angry, I was.
Angry every time I had to get dressed to go out and my size 4/6 closet taunted me—so smug were those Theory suits, Katayone Adeli pants, CRonson tanks—jerks! Oh, and those custom-made Agatha leathers and full row of perfectly worn jeans—why sometimes I could hear them snickering to one another and I know it was about me.

First off, let me say this: thanks to the booty that was NYC bartending, I have some good clothes. Secondly, now that me is a mama with a much larger booty on her person, mama can't get no brand new bag. So health, anger and obsession aside, Slimdown 2006 was a very practical, even economical decision.

Back to the anger: I was angry every time I had to get into or out of car and my legs strained to move, encumbered by jeans that were way too tight. I was angry every time I laid on my side and my belly joined me (does anyone know what I am talking about here? It's a nightmare.)

I was just a mega player hater.

But now I am a player lover.

Dudes, I am free. (Insert George Michael's "Freedom" here.) I don't duck mirrors. I don't dodge photos with my daughter (poor girl has hardly any photos of her mommy because of mommy's narcissism and laziness—a deadly combination). I look forward to going out, to seeing people, to being seen. I have Me back. As I said before, Me isn't back entirely, but the spirit of Me is.

Da-da-na-naaaaaaah. Now for the results of my six-week jump start Ultra Fit awesome program with Lori Sawyer of Mommy-Moves and LS Fitness (www.mommy-moves.com):

Weight: 153 (Lost 8 pounds. No, it's not Me's 125, but read on.)
Body Fat: 26.96 (down 7%)
I actually lost 13.85 pounds of fat, but I put on six pounds of muscle.
Neck: Lost 1.5 inches
Chest: Lost 3.25 inches
Arm: Lost 0.5 inches
Waist: Lost 2.75 inches
Navel: Lost 3.25 inches
Hips: Lost 1 inch
Thighs: Lost 1 inch
Calf: Lost 1.5 inches

I am so happy to have shed those angry inches. And I'll be happy to continue to shed them, although now they're not so much angry as just ready to move on.

Stay posted!

Das Boot Camp

Relish—and I don't mean the kind you put on hot dogs. I relished my last two Uitra Fit Challenge workouts with Lori Sawyer. I loved the challenge. I loved knowing that there is a direct and immediate result from hard work and effort. Come on, folks, what other arena in life offers you immediate results? Look, I am still not the former Ms. Awesome USA (120 pounds, fabooo haircut and slightly ironic clothing) yet, but I am on my way to her. I am, however, feeling 180 percent better in every area of my life. I get that results are cumulative. I get the cause and effect. I get that feeling as rocker as I do now is what I was after even more so than fitting back into size 27 jeans.

During my last two workouts, Lori and I talked about how this is just a jump start. The operative word here is "talked." Even though she was killing me, I could still talk—how's that for improvement? We talked about the ch-ch-ch-changes that I've undergone in just six weeks:

1. I look forward to working out.
2. Instead of spending my time obsessing over the crap I ate and feeling badly about letting myself down for finking out of a workout or shoving in Scarlett's mac and cheese, I relish the thought of drinking another glass of water, taking my next round of vitamins or getting in one more superset of push ups. I've gone through a solid six weeks (give or take a few down days) of not hating on my body. Seriously, think about it: your body is completely at the mercy of you and all you do is treat it like crap and then talk smack about it. How mean are we?
3. I feel so empowered now that I actually do what I tell myself I am going to do. Integrity of your word is all you have. When you let it go, you're nothing. Following through on what I say I am going to do for myself on the health and fitness front has made me a better mom, a better editor, a better business owner, friend, partner, etc. Doing what you say you're going to do, having integrity of your word, is just remarkably empowering.
4. I feel so much better. I am so much clearer. I am so much stronger, both mentally and physically. I don't pass out at night's end. I have boundless energy—seriously. The water and drinking less play a major role in the aforementioned, too.
5. I am back in control. So this was, in total, a story about control. I even sorted out why I allowed myself to get out of control—and I've since dealt with it and moved on.
6. I make good choices for myself—and boy, oh boy, does that affect every single area of my life. It's amazing how just choosing not to eat a slice pizza and opting for some tuna and a slice of sprouted bread can make you a better decision maker all around.

So my friends, I urge you to get a handle on your health and well-being. Give your former half-hearted follow-through ways the boot and sign up for the life you're supposed to have starring the person you are supposed to be.

I just told you what I gained, but I still have to tell you what I lost. Tune in next week for the results.

Weight, Weight, I Never Had a Chance To Love You

Ya-huh, White Lion.

It's a White Lion lyric, people. Why that was the first thing that came to mind when I sat down to blog about my weight training week, I have no idea. Well, wait—wait, I never had a chance to love you, now I only want to say I love you one more time—a minute, I must confess: I am a former metal head—well, glam rock hair band cute boy soft metal head might be a more appropriate term.

And you're welcome for that nightmare song being stuck in your head all day.

Okay, back to the weight training week. I'm actually a week behind in my reporting—but (or butt, as it were) at least I'm not a weak behind anymore. So I'm going to tell you about my two heavy workous from last week and my day at the beach from this week.

It Ain't Heavy, It's A Five Pound Weight
Oh yeah? Five pound weights after rounds of super duper intense arm and shoulder supersets feel like five tons. I am such a people pleaser. I want to do a good job. So there I am huffing and puffing and grimacing—the uglies were in full effect—thinking that I couldn't do it. Shoulder work sucks the most and my shoulder were on fire. But I pushed through. I mean, come on, it's one hour of intensity. I can't handle that? Of course, I can. And you know what? My shoulders have some shape and definition to them all of a sudden. In fact, my whole arm area is very much leaner and straighter. The chunk of it all is leaning out. NICE! I might even let the arms come out to play. They've been in forced into hiding for some time now.

I'll briefly tell you about the leg-cersises. Think: step ups (done on my porch stairs) down into a lunge. Think back to the reason the weak behind is no longer. Step ups, lunges and squats totally suck, folks—but do them anyway. Do ten squats right now whilst you're reading this. You'll thank me later.

The eating has been overall clean and tasty. Some winey-wine has snuck (is it snuck or sneaked?) back into my world, but the moderation remains. A stray steamer has landed in my mouth, now and again. Overall, though, Ultra Fit is an easy and inspiring program to follow—especially with Lori's support and guidance.


Now to this week's workout, aka, Not Beachy Keen
My friends, doing anything on the beach except laying (is it laying or lying? when do you use lain?) is hella hard. This was the hardest workout so far. We ran, we lunged, we walked, we pushed up. We even did dips on the lifegaurd stand. The workout was so challenging that I didn't have time to fight it or wish it away. Subsequently, I was 100% in the moment—I had to be in order to get through it.

So that's the catch up—not the ketchup, there's none of that in my clean eating plan. Only a week and a half left.

I'll leave you with lyrics from another White Lion song: when the children cry, let 'em know we tried, 'cause when the children something, let 'em know something else.

That's it. That's all the White Lion I know. I'll stop the terror.

Never Mind the Bollocks

Bad blogger! Bad blogger!

Forgive my absense from the scene. Allow me to blame it on the heat.

Anywooo, I am back and I'm totally over the Justin song. I knew those In Syncers couldn't be trusted. I'm semi over the Gnarls Barkely one, too.

Okay, so first of all, last week was all about a core workout. Lori, the body of steel (www.ls-fitness.com), came to my house to help me reclaim my core, my middle, my guts. The cool thing about both of our workouts is that I can, and have been, doing them on my own. You'd be amazed at how much of a workout you can get in your own living room. Check out Lori's monthly in-home workout routine in the Well-Being & Health section of www.thefamilygroove.com. I really felt like my very own Cindy Crawford working out with Radu all while being taped for a segment of House of Style. I miss House of Style.

Everyday peeps think that they can't afford a personal trainer. I say bollocks to that. How much money do you spend a week on coffee? On magazines? On stupid crap that you don't even need. Even if you can only save for a trainer once a week, that one-on-one time will anchor you for the whole week.

The reality is that pre-Lori I was way to easy on myself when it came to my fake outs—I mean workouts. With most areas of my life, I live by the motto: If you are going to do something, do it the right way. But for some reason, that work ethic skipped town everytime I stepped foot on a treadmill. I say bollocks to that, too. Where along the way did I decide that it was okay to let myself down?

These weeks have taught me not only to take the time for myself, but make the most out of that time. Every morning and night, I do supersets of push ups, sit ups, dips and arm exercises. I actually look forward to them now. With all the ups and down and nonsense of my day, it's these supersets, mini-time outs, if you will, that help me cope. They also reassert and strenghten my committment to myself. When everything else is out of your control, at least you can control yourself.

And now, the half way report:

Weight down 4 pounds
Body fat down 4 percent—that's a big deal
Arms down 1/2 inch
Waist down 2 1/4 inches
Navel down 2 inches
Hips down 1/2 inch
Thighs down 1 inch


I can't get hung up on the pounds. The body fat is much more imporant. I am psyched about the inches and am fitting into size 29 jeans—they're tight, but they close. I look and feel like a new person. My face has thinned out big time. I am going back to a nice heart-shaped face verses the round beach ball look—so not cute.

My goals for the next three weeks are to rock even harder and to be even more committed. The reality is that this six week program is just a jump start. I have a ways to go until I get back to my once and former self. I finally believe that I can do it though, as long as I nevermind my tired brand of bollocks!