Blossom (whoa!) with the best.
Check out THE FAMILY GROOVE's blooming and booming new issue:http://www.thefamilygroove.com
What's in bloom?
Fabulous wines
How to deal with the grandparents
Quicker fixer uppers for your skin
The styles of the season
A must-read story about a special needs mama
All about baby sign language
How to get skinny
Great shopping
Amazing discounts to the hippest online store and so much more
Can ya dig it?
K, so number one: I had a private training session with the mighty Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com) today. She is three weeks away from birthing a human being and she looks like a super model with Linda Hamilton in Terminator Whatever arms. I had to. I had to do it. I have to get back on track. The rock star supplements helped me lose some weight (and body fat, too—how cool is that?), but I need to work out. So, I signed up for two personal sessions next week plus I intend on taking two of her Mommy-Moves classes (workout classes with stroller in tow).
Peeps, I am so ready to rule again. I am so ready to look awesome. I feel like Christmas is a-coming and I'm at the top of the good list. I am sorry—I don't care how educated you are, how globally conscious you are, how unaffected and down-to-earth you are or what the freak is going on in your life, if you don't feel like you look good, you are not a happy camper.
So, that's that deal.
We have our first event, THE FAMILY GROOVE's Spring Fling on May 1 and I am ready to rock the casbah. By the way, if you are in NJ, email me (jillian@thefamilygroove.com and I will put you on the list for our bananas event. Bananas.
And now, for number two/the reason I signed on to blog: Barney. He sucks. He's gross. He's the opposite of Prince. My friend (well, I've never met her in person, but we email every day and she's a star amongst stars, so I guess we're friends in this newfangled, postmodern world)]who lives in Russia now, says this about his purple loserness: "Do you know that we get Barney here now??!?! (maybe he will be exposed for perversion like dear dear Peewee Herman...(I really liked THAT show) My little doodads still click their eyes to it...in my best bi.chy voice of disdain: 'Barney?!!! Yuk!!!'"
Shawn and I hate him, too. We see him every now and again whilst flicking to find Scarlett her shows. We hold our breath for the nanosecond that the TV passes through the channel that houses that purple people eater. I am not sure why we hate him, but we do.
Ready for the best/worst? Well, here it goes: I ordered Blues Clues decorations online for her birthday. Blues Clues is mega watchable, although Steve is the way. Joe—not so much. Joe is a faker. So, I get the decorations—and feel so mom-proud that I was awesome enough to give her a Blues Clues birthday—and upon their arrival and immediate savage-like opening, I discover that it's not lovely Blues Clues that I ordered, it's Blue and Friends. Well, guess who's friend of that big bugger. Yup, Barney! Freakazoid Barney infiltrated my daughter's second birthday party.
I always knew he was a louse, but this confirmed it.
Bless me father for I have sinned. It's been 30 years and ten months since my last confession:
I returned a gift for my daughter and used the money to by myself makeup.
Now before you go casting, I didn't return it in order to by makeup. But after I got the return gift card, the dang makeup counter called me out.
Well, at least her evil mommy can have fabulous Bardot lips right in time for spring.
Can someone please tell me that I am not a total loser for watching American Idol?
Okay, so I know for many it heralds the imminent demise of western civilization, but for me, it's brilliant. Seriously, if I weren't so tired and impaired by the ringing of the day's requests for "or something else"—referring to Scarlett's request for something else to eat (say that one twenty times—it'll give you the same effect as spinning around)—I'd wax Seacrestian about why it's postmodern approach to entertainment is genius.
Anyway, it is one of my dirty little secrets—especially because I used to work in the music business and am a singer (or was a singer).
Boy, motherhood really makes you have no shame, huh?!
Yes, you!
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Okay, so I promise to stop editrixing and get back to mama stuff next post.
Oh, yes it does!
Our March issue rules. Click here to check it out: www.thefamilygroove.com
Lion.
Lamb.
Whatever—it doesn't matter as long as it's groovy.
Dig what we've got this month:
The best all-natural cleaning products
How to get your sex life back in the groove
Expert tips on taking better pics of your family
A simple how-to for sensational skin
More on the most gorgeous makeup of the season
Our favorite maternity looks
Potty Training 101
How to raise happier boys
Advice on getting your kids to eat their veggies
Tons of amazing giveaways
A great charity of the month: The WHO Foundation
And lots, lots more.
My girl is B-O-S-S-Y.
It's actually funny. I mean the nerve this two-year-old has is just, well, actually admirable. She knows what she wants. But my goodness, I see how if you don't curb it now, you can really create a monster.
Don't get me wrong, she's a sweet, sweet girl and often quite compliant; but when she doesn't want to be bothered, she tells me to "Push it." "Mama, push...mama, push it." Are you kidding me? I birthed you, child—and that was the last bit of pushing I am doing for a good long time.
And when she is in boss hog mode, she spews order after order after order. I know this is par for the toddler course. I get it: she is learning to affect her environment, she's testing boundaries, she's establishing her place in a world she is just waking up to and she needs me to get things and do things for her—that's part of my job.
So, mamas and papas, I am calling out to you for some parenting advice or at least commiseration here. How much ordering is too much ordering? When do you say "no" and why do you say "no?"
When does empowerer turn to enabler?
