Still Raining

Wake up: 6:30 am
Slept for: 7 hours
First thought is: I have so much to do to get Scarlett prepared for camp. Why didn't I sort it all out last night? Followed by a flood of thoughts related to starting something new, wondering if she'll get on with the other kids, wanting her to be accepted and thrive, wanting this experience and everyone to be positive for her.
Baby is: Going to the doctor today. My fear of shots and their possible repercussions ensues.
This is: Nerve-wracking—believe me, I do a lot of research on the autism subject for THE FAMILY GROOVE and everyone has something different to say.
Daughter is: Excited about her first day of camp.
This is: Fun for me, as I imagine her perception of these, the very first of her salad days.
Man is: A rock.
This is: Concerning from time to time, as I wonder if he ever gets tired of being so responsible and hard working.
Emails to check: 58
Goal for the day: Contain my agita—but first figure out why I have it.
Kabbalah says: "Mistakes are opportunities. Every time we mess up — intentionally or not - there is a chance to learn and go to a new level. In fact, mistakes are only mistakes if we don't learn from them.

Today, forgive yourself for something you've done in the past. Remember, when you fall, you learn."
Arrive at gym: Too much to do in the morning. Have to go at night. Never made it at night. Two glass of red wine equals focus and drive out the window. Drinking is bad.
Weight is: Much.
Weight to lose: Much.
Workout is: Nada surf.
Today's song is: Still Raining by Jonny Lang
Best lyric is: Sometimes I wonder what'll become of me
There ain't much left of what I used to be
Best spam subject line: My number 73
I want: Multiple clones
I love: Post-modern Americana, just as the sun hits it.
I wish: It were 1970.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Short shorts and knee socks with stripes
Being a mom means: Running about like a crazy woman
Being a wife means: Working out to have a body that can wear those short shorts
Being a business owner means: Not scaring easily
Out of the mouths of babes: The boys were annoying.
Today I ate: No breakfast, portabello mushroom, spinach, tomatoes and zucchini for lunch, chicken and vegetables for dinner. Oh, and fat free, sugar free yogurt mid-day.
Today I drank: Water and two big glasses of red wine.
Work was: Less productive than usual.
I learned today: Accomplishment takes focus.
I am: Writing this on Tuesday because I fell asleep, fully clothed, at 9 last night.
Tomorrow I will: Get with the program.

Army of Me

June 29, 2008

Wake up: 7 something
Slept for: 7 hours
First thought is: Why do boys in their late teens and twenties treat girls so badly? Why do girls go in for it? I wonder if Scarlett and Marlon will be that way.
Baby is: Easy. So many people freaked me out about a second child. I think it's easier now because I know what to expect. No paradigm shift—I was already a mom. No loss of perspective—because you know how quickly even the worst of it goes by. And, really, Scarlett was easy, too. It was me who was difficult.
This is: A relief.
Daughter is: Obsessed with putting her babies to sleep. There are dolls—face down, mind you—under covers in every room of our house. It's like a baby minefield.
This is: Endearing and a bit annoying. We try to keep them cordoned off in her room and in the den, but it rarely works.
Man is: A damn hard worker.
This is: Good. There's a lot to be done.
Emails to check: 30
Goal for the day: Gym, if it's white do not bite, have fun with my gang
Kabbalah says: "Kabbalists differentiate between two types of jealousy.

The first is the one we're all familiar with, whether we want to admit it or not. It's the pinch in our hearts when our friend gets what we want. That part of us that says, "why him, why not me?"

This is the worst type of jealousy we can ever have.

When we question why someone else is getting something instead of us, that's it, we're cooked. Why? Because when we question why our friend would receive something, we actually disconnect from our friend.

We create division. What happens the moment we create division with our friend? We create a separation between us and the Light. The Light, of course, being the best, most reliable, loving friend we could ever have.

Not only do we not have what we want, but we're also not happy with our friend; we've created a wall between us and them - and ultimately between us and the Light. This keeps us from getting what we want.

It's a vicious circle. Nothing good comes of it.

What shall be done?

Kabbalists explain there is a form of jealousy that is very positive. It's that voice that says, "Wow, I'm so happy for my friend, I'm glad he has that ! You know what, I want that too! I'd be glad to work for that!"

The first type of jealousy emanates purely from the realm of ego and separation. The second is motivational, and it empowers us to work with the law of cause and effect. It shows us the reason we want what our friend has is because they were sent into our life to make us want what they have - to show us that we can have it too!

Of course, we have to work for it, but when we're chasing down our dream, there can't be a consciousness of lack."
First saving-the-world thought: I would like to start a local campaign to ban chemical cleaners and pesticides from public schools.
First bananas thought: The director of Scarlett's little day camp got Lyme Disease. Scarlett can never go outside.
Arrive at gym: 9:30 or so. I knew that I was going to steal some time to go today but wasn't sure when, especially with my mom working and Shawn at his game until 12 and then working for a good part of the rest of the day. However, my mom called at 9:25 to let me know that her clients were late and she could watch the kids for 45 minutes. I threw on clothes, grabbed my iPod and was ready to run out the door as soon as stepped in. And that's the key, people. You have to be flexible. You do have at least half an hour a day to devote to being fit, even if it's rushed in the middle of a million other activities.
Weight is: Same. I really should just check it weekly.
Weight to lose: Same.
Workout is: Great. 30 minutes, level 7, max hear rate 148, 330 calories burned.
Today's song is: Army of Me by Bjork
Best lyric is: And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
Best spam subject line: Upgrade the bazooka in your pants.
I want: To get to the point where my actions meet my intentions with this weight loss thing. My actions are often quite high as are my intentions but when you have so much weight to lose and you want to do it rather expeditiously, there's little room for error. And by error, I mean cookies and macaroni and cheese from Whole Foods.
I love: Quiet time.
I wish: Mary Poppins would tidy up my den.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Money.
Being a mom means: Staying present.
Being a wife means: Staying present.
Being a business owner means: Preparing.
Today I ate: Relatively cleanly minus the barbecue potato chips.
Today I drank: Water and two sips of a soda that somehow found it's way into our house.
Heard at my dinner table: Maybe it was thunder or maybe it was lions.
Work was: Productive—though by Sunday, without any time off leading up to it, I am pretty spent.
I am: Uninspired.
Tomorrow I will: Be inspired again.

Starman

Wake up: Officially 7:23 am, though I'd been up on and off since 4.
Slept for: About 7 hours
First thought was: How old was Scarlett when she was able to suck her thumb? I wonder if I wrote it in her book. I sucked at writing things in her book.
Baby was: Trying to suck his thumb.
This was: Loud.
Daughter was: In our bed but only since 6:30.
This was: Super fantastico! She slept in her bed for the whole night again.
Man was: Awake-ish.
This was: Good—he can feed the baby then.
Emails to check: 44
Goal for the day: Do a few hours of work (and actually accomplish something) and spend some time with my peeps sans thinking about work.
Kabbalah says: "When we receive something for nothing, we feel a certain degree of resentment or unworthiness."
First bananas thought: I am going to write a book called Mom in Progress about what really happens when you get pregnant, including such truths as you go through a period of time during which you think you are totally screwed.
Arrive at gym: Not yet. Forward to 8:41 pm, I am just about to put on my gym clothes to hustle over for an hour-ish of cardio. I decided to check their website to make sure they're open until 10 and I discovered that they close at 6. Who closes at 6? Losers. Or am I a mega loser for going to the gym on a Saturday night? Tough one, huh?
Weight is: Hmmm....
Weight to lose: Half an Olsen.
Workout is: For now: push-ups, lunges and dips in the house. Push-ups a great whole-body workout, by the way. I do twenty each hour for a few hours in the middle of the day. I'm working up to 50 each time.
Today's song is: Starman by David Bowie
Because: There's something about the verses that reminds me of hanging out just at that time when the night tips from acceptable to a bit depraved; when you sink a little lower into the banquette and start to become one with the scene.
Best lyric is: Didn't know what time it was, the lights were low oh oh
I leaned back on my radio oh oh
Best spam subject line: Stalin took pills two time per day before food.
I want: To not feel so groggy. Man, just two drinks over four hours and I'm dull.
I love: My daughter.
I wish: Madonna was my friend.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: My roots.
Being a mom means: Gently picking up your now-sleeping two-month old's head when it flops down in his little swing.
Being a wife means: Remembering.
Being a business owner means: Obsession.
Today I ate: C+. Word to you mothers: Don't buy the Whole Foods little meringue cookies. 17 have 120 calories and no fat but a ton of sugar. And believe me, you will eat all 17.
Today I drank: Water.
Heard at my dinner table: Mmmm...this is dul-licious, as said about salmon, brown rice and vegetables. Score one for me.
Work was: Still in progress.
I am: Still high on sugar.
Tomorrow I will: Proact.

Stronger

Wake up: 6:03 am
Slept for: 7 hours
First thought was: I wish I could go to the gym this morning.
Baby was: Getting up.
This was: Wonderful, really. He's all smiles and they're better than a large espresso to get you excited about the day.
Daughter was: In her bed! Woo-hoo!
This was: Amazing. She told me yesterday afternoon that she thought the Sleep Fairy would be coming because she was going to sleep in her bed the whole night. And, in fact, the Sleep Fairy did flutter on by, leaving a fabulous DVD of some cartoon-y thing or another in a pretty bag along with a heart-shaped note.
Man was: Fixing to get up.
This was: Great–because we was going to go out and do some weeding. Recession budget = no landscapers this year.
Emails to check: 62
Goal for the day: Eat cleanly, drink water, do what I say I am going to do, create the life I want.
Kabbalah says: We are holy within. Just like god. When we are connected to our holiness, nothing can touch us.
First saving-the-world thought: Everyone needs to get rid of their chemical cleaners and replace them with all-natural ones, said to myself as I rifled through the cabinet of mainly green cleaners and opted for the Clorox.
First bananas thought: Wasn't so bananas: I feel so guilty about using this bleach but, man, does it clean well!
Arrive at gym: Didn't go—too much to do this morning, especially if I want my man to get out and do the weeding.
Weight is: Oh, I totally wish I knew. I am sure it's down. I've thought about getting a scale, but I know that I'd be on it hourly. Not a good thing.
Weight to lose: A lot.
Workout is: Very missed—and I can feel an encroaching—and irrational—fear that if I don't go, I will spiral and, like, eat a whole cake or something. I know it's not going to happen. I just need to know I know it's not going to happen.
Today's song is: Stronger by the once and former Miss Britney Spears and it goes out the very Groovy Ms. Amy. And, yes, I rock the Britney from time to time—and it's done with only a mild case of hipster irony.
Best lyric is: Stronger than yesterday. It's nothin' but my way. My loneliness ain't killin' me no more.
Best spam subject line: Fulfill your booty duties
I want: A Patron Silver margarita and a spray tan
I love: When things get done.
I wish: French fries made you lose weight.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: The fries I ate at dinner. But really, who can eat mussels sans fries?
Being a mom means: Not having a second glass of wine.
Being a wife means: Sympathy.
Being a business owner means: Meetings at 9 pm on Friday night.
Today I ate: Nothing for breakfast, salad and chicken for lunch and tuna tartare,
Today I drank: Most of the water I intended to drink, one Patron Silver Margarita (yup, I totally made it happen) and one glass of Viognier.
Heard at my dinner table: There were no cute boys in our grade.
Work was: Going at 100 mph and not getting anywhere.
I am: Happy. There's nothing like hanging with old and best friends.
Tomorrow I will: Not spin my wheels

Winners and Losers

June 26, 2008

Wake up: 6:17 am
Slept for: Ummm...not sure again. Maybe 7 hours. Pretty good!
First thought was: Should I lay here until the alarm goes off at 6:30?
Baby was: Getting up—and, therefore, there was no laying.
This was: Just as well.
Daughter was: Sleeping, thumb in mouth, right up against her father.
This was: Sweet because she's so cute and annoying because I just can't figure out how to get her to sleep in her own bed. Well, I mean, I can figure it out, but I just don't have the discipline—or wherewithal at 2 in the morning—to do it.
Man was: Stirring.
This was: Normal.
Emails to check: 73
Goal for the day: Figure out how to incite a frenzy a la Jim Morrison in his Whiskey A Go Go days and Lou Perelman (sans the molestation and embezzlement).
Kabbalah says: Go toward what is the most uncomfortable, for there is light there that needs to be shed.
First saving-the-world thought: Haven't had one yet.
First bananas thought: They all seem to blur today.
Arrive at gym: A little after 8:30.
Weight is: 169.4
Weight to lose: Still just about 45 pounds
Workout is: Just over 40 minutes (man, for sure, if I hadn't written it in last night's post, I would have definitely stopped at 30) at level 5, then 6, then 7. Max heart rate is 148 and calories burned is 430.
Today's song is: Winners and Losers by Social Distortion
Best lyric is: Are you happy now with all the choices you’ve made?
Are there times in life when you know you should’ve stayed?
Will you compromise and then realize the price is too much to pay?
Best spam subject line: You are not in the mood?
I want: Blinde sunglasses. I lost the last pair I had. I lived for them.
I love: The warm air lazing into my window.
I wish: The bed in front of my gate was weeded.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Nothing.
Being a mom means: Paying attention.
Being a wife means: Actually getting married.
Being a business owner means: Being nice to people.
Today I ate: Very cleanly—much less jelly—and I still have 8 points left not including the 6 I earned from working out. Too bad you can't roll them over!
Today I drank: One glass of water and one big (should check the ounces) glass bottle of water. No plastic, my friends! I actually have a water filter on the faucet. It's the only way to go.
Heard at my dinner table: Daddy is MY prince.
Work was: So busy because of the new issue. I have a couple hours of work still to do.
I am: Simply exhausted—though I can feel my second wind coming on.
Tomorrow I will: Be more present to the light—and have afternoon drinks with one of my best friends.

The Summer Winds

Allow me to shout: THE JULY ISSUE IS LIVE, BABY, LIVE!

It's so good, so informative and so beautifully designed. It's almost too good or Internet, I swear!

Here are just some of the awesome articles featured this month:

Summerize Your Home
Hostess Gifts You'll Want to Give
The Truth About Pregnancy
The Woman Behind Tummy Tuck Jeans Speaks
Patriotic Swimsuits are Red, White and Hot
Protect Your Skin Now
Get Your Summer Gear
These Smoothies Taste Like Summer
The Latest on Children's Food Allergies
Why You're Hormones are a Mess
Everything You Need to Know About Pregnancy Skincare
Hot Diaper Bags
Isabella Oliver Makes Gorgeous Maternity Wear
Do Something Important: Support Second Chance Employment Services

Plus amazing GIVEAWAYS, moms like you weigh in on their plans for summer, five hot items for the season, our fave musts of the month and so much more!

I'm an Ordinary Guy

Wednesday, June 25

Wake up: 6:30 am
Slept for: I have absolutely no idea.
First thought was: Good lord, it's sunny.
Baby was: About to wake up.
This was: Fine.
Daughter was: Fast asleep—in our bed.
This was: Same as it ever was.
Man was: Sleeping not so soundly.
This was: A shame since he went to bed so late because he was working on our July issue.
Emails to check: I forgot to pay attention, but I know it was less than yesterday.
Goal for the day: To not stress out over all the things I'd like to accomplish.
Kabbalah says: Don't react.
First saving-the-world thought: We could really leverage THE FAMILY GROOVE to do some good. I think I'll write a book called Keep It Simple, Sister on how to eliminate chaos from your life in order to create success.
First bananas thought: I'll promote the book on Larry King. It's doable.
Arrive at gym: 7:23
Weight is: No time to check.
Weight to lose: Probably about the same as yesterday.
Workout is: 30 minutes, 310 calories burned, heart rate up to 140.
Today's song is: Burning Down the House by Talking Heads
Best lyric is: "Watch out! You might get what you're after."
Best spam subject line: I freaked her out with this thing
I want: Someone else to put sunscreen on my three year old so I don't have to stop working.
I love: The sounds I hear from my office
I wish: I had an assistant.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: The half of Pop Tart I ate for no reason.

Check back later for the rest!

Being a mom means: Infrequent showers
Being a wife means: Caring more about showering.
Being a business owner means: Staying in the ring.
Today I ate: Well. I didn't even use up all of my points, but I still ate too much sugar. Sugar is the devil. I was craving something sweet, so I would up eating three tablespoons of strawberry jelly. Hello! Why not just eat three tablespoons of straight sugar?
Today I drank: Two measly 10-ounce glasses of water and way too much coffee.
Heard at my dinner table: "Deal with it," as said by my three year old.
Work was: Productive. The new issue is live and super mega fabulous.
I am: Sitting in a towel with my wet, uncombed hair dripping onto my office chair—because I was anxious to do a few things for work now that the little people are sleeping and, apparently, the three minutes it takes to dry off and comb my hair was just too long.
Tomorrow I will: Drink more water, eat less jelly, do the elliptical for ten more minutes and be more grateful.

No More Beating My Brain

This dang blog (or lack there of) has taunted me for the past two months.

It calls to me in the middle of the night when I'm up for a feeding—which thankfully are few and far between now that my man is eight weeks plus.

It shakes me when a cogent—and probably snarky—thought drops into my mind that would, no doubt, make a fabulous posting.

And now, two months post baby, where do I start? So much to tell. So little time.

So today whilst bobbing up and down the elliptical machine for a sacred and almost stolen-seeming 3o minutes of bliss, I said fuck it.

Yeah. I said it.

I also decided not to censor the curse words because who really says freak it or thinks in %#*?

We think in fucks and shits and mother fuckers and, well, that's it for me.

Ass and it's add-ons are not a part of my lexicon. Ass is not so much fun.

Oh, and if you're wondering about dang versus damn per the first line, I just think it's funny in a Jed Clampett kind-of-way.

(Pause to look up spelling of Clampett...and I'm back.)

So, very simply put in the immortal words of my good friend Iggy Pop: No more beatin' my brain.

Although mine isn't with liquor and drugs (though somehow I kinda wish it were); it's with bad feelings about not blogging.

And all this brings me to my latest and greatest revelation on how to do the things I wish I could do (like blog, not eat sugar, be more grateful) but just don't get one gosh darn (as said with irony) minute to do them.

Introducing:

Interview Mamazine (tm)
A Daily Q & A, Featuring and Fetishizing Me


Wake up time: 7:06 am

First thought: You slept late. Shit!

Baby was: Nestled into me, still there from a 5:30 breastfeeding.

This is: Not so great. Falling asleep with baby in the bed is dangerous—even though I did have a good hold on him.

Daughter was: Sleeping on the diagonal in our bed.

This is: Per usual. She makes our California king feels like a twin. I invoked the Sleep Fairy last week after Scarlett managed to not get up in the middle of the night and come into our bed. You know the Sleep Fairy, right? She gives kids gifts for sleeping the whole night in their own beds. She doesn't come into the house though (because my daughter is leery of strangers—even if they're fairies—in the house). You meet up with her when you're doing your errands and you call her on her cell phone. And if yours asks: she does indeed have a mommy and a daddy. She is very tiny. She can fit into the palm of your hand. Ooops. But she can carry the presents because she's very strong. She has seven siblings though you can only remember three of their names: John, Jane and Jack. She has purple and pink wings with sparkles. She is very nice.

Emails to check: 84 (just one of which was spam)

Children to feed: 1 baby. I am partially breastfeeding and mostly (now) bottle feeding. It works for me and has enabled me to feel very empowered. So suck it crazy breastfeeding meanies who try to pressure you into only breastfeeding. Moms, do the research, get educated and then do what's best for you. If you're not feeling good, strong and empowered in your decisions, your baby will feel it.

First saving the world thought: I am going to be a better recycler. Read this bonkersness: http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-science/20080623/SCI.Warming.Scientist/

Checked my town's recently delivered newsletter that details what gets recycled and how:
Commingle:
Aluminum (soda and beer cans)
Bimetal (soup, vegs and dog food cans)
Glass
Plastic

Newspapers should be bound in a twine.
Junk mail and mixed papers can be bound by twine or placed in brown
paper bags marked junk mail.
Note: You should shred your junk mail though, for your own protection.


First crazy thought: I will die of skin cancer. As said to myself as I opened the sun roof. Don't worry, I countered with: Shut up! Are you serious? Is this what you are thinking? Why don't you just say you'll die from a-a-a-a car accident. WHAT? What are you thinking? Stop! You're not going to die from either of those things and why are you letting yourself have these thoughts. Ego go away; light come in. (This is my mantra that slays the crazies.) Order was restored.

Arrived at gym: 8:10

Workout was: Super duper, man! 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Calories burned: 310

Heart rate max: 150

Today's weight: 170 (for reals—I cannot believe I just admitted it in print or type or whatever)

Baby weight still hanging on: 10 pounds

Weight still on from my first pregnancy: 20 pounds

Reason: A huge, life altering, earth shattering paradigm shift—oh, and lots of pizza, cheese, cookies and wine.

Weight still on from moving from Manhattan to NJ: 15

Reason: Moving to the suburbs is hella scary, folks.

Total weight to lose: 45 pounds

Clothes in my closet fit a girl who is: 45 pounds lighter. Jesus.

Days a week I am working out as of two weeks ago: 5

Second bananas thought: Ed McMahon looks so old and feeble. He is crying behind that smile. He is old. He is sad. I should send him money. To which I said: Don't pity people. Who are you to pity him? And anyway, send some money to yourself, sister. Seriously.

Feeling: Awesome. God love endorphins.

Breakfast: Organic high fiber cereal, skim milk, coffee, aka, 2 Weight Watchers points.
Oh, I am doing Weight Watchers. It rules.

Today's childcare is brought to you by: My mom who scoops up my daughter for a day at the pool and the park.

Work begins at: 9:30

To be continued...

Phew! 11 hours later almost to the minute.

The official Q & A will begin tomorrow. Think: part slam book, part free association. I think it's going to be a helpful tool to force me to check in with myself.

So, no more stressing over wanting to blog but not having the time. Check!

And no more beating my brain. Check!

Well, for now, anyway.