Waiting Room

Wake up: 6:20 am
Slept for: 7 hours
First thought is: Not a thought so much as a quick body scan of how I felt. Answer: good but still have a slight hangover-feeling headache. This is day 4 of my five day cleanse.
Baby is: Going for his three month check up tomorrow, aka a source of anxiety, as are all doctor's visits nowadays due to confusion and worry over shots.
This is: Stressful and sad.
Daughter is: Sans sitter today. I'm already exhausted. Not complaining—just reporting. I know plenty of moms do it every day. It's just that today August issue launches and it's always a gangbusters day. There's so much blood, sweat and tears that go into making each issue and it's always nerve wracking, exciting and stressful when the issue goes live. I've worked it and loved it and hated it for so long, so to release it to the world is a big deal. Or I am just completely overly dramatizing things. Whatevs.
This is: What was I saying?
Man is: Out with daughter on a Play-Doh run. Though we're freakazoids so we buy her this non-chemical, non-China stuff. It's actually better than PD because it doesn't harden and dry out. I miss the old school PD smell though.
This is: Parenting in 2008.
Goal for the day: Send out all the barrage of emails to our list and editorial mentions about the new issue. Also, stressful because I so want people to like it. So co-dependent, I am.
Kabbalah says: "When we hit rock bottom, though it's painful physically, it is also a breaking of klipot [shells of negativity] that create barriers between us and our true fulfillment. Of course, no one wants to be in this position - it hurts! But at the same time, we want to have the courage to accept it. The faster we admit that the pain has a purpose, the faster it will fill its purpose and subsequently go away.Remember today that temporary pain prepares us to receive lasting fulfillment. Have the courage to fully experience your pain. You'll be surprised at the messages it can bring you."
First bananas thought: What if I juiced every day and just ate a sensible dinner?
Arrive at gym: 7:30-ish
Workout is: Good. I am glad I did it. I didn't feel up to working out yesterday.
Today's song is: Waiting Room by Fugazi
Best lyric is: And I won't make the same mistakes because I know who much time that wastes
Best spam subject line: I actually don't have that much in my junk folder today.
It's the best because: Yup.
I want: A scarf. I am feeling a scarf—for fashion, not for warmth.
I love: Thinking about new ways to be healthy.
I wish: There was a raw food place here.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Malibu. I want a house in Malibu.
Being a mom means: Many loads of laundry.
Being a wife means: Maybe, possibly not working tonight so I can see my man for more than five minutes.
Being a business owner means: Working most nights of the week.
Out of the mouths of babes: "You terribled me."
Today I ate: Day 4 of Blueprint Cleanse, baby. Going strong.
Today I drank: So far, four out of six juices. First, third and fifth ones have green things in them like kale, celery, cucumber, romaine, lemon (which I know is not green) parsley and green apple. Second one has pineapple, apple and mint. Fourth one has water, lemon, cayenne and agave. Last one has raw cashew nuts, agave, cinnamon and vanilla bean.
Work was: Well, is still going. I am getting it done though and learning a few things along the way.
Today I learned: To go against my instinct by not reacting.
I am: In the middle of a million things. I should get off this dang blog.
Tomorrow I will: Work and learn.

Love Man

Wake up: 5:14 am
Slept for: 6 hours, up for 30 minutes, back to sleep for 45 minutes.
First thought is: How quickly can I feed this baby and get back to sleep before I have to get up at 6? Not quick enough was the answer. I reset the alarm for 6:30.
Baby is: Radiating love. It flips me out from time to time. It's so real and pure and godlike and intimate. It actually almost makes me feel uncomfortable to be in the presence of such real goodness and love.
This is: Something I need to work on, apparently.
Daughter is: Playing with her best friend (and babysitter), Meaghan.
This is: Lucky. We're very lucky to have her in our lives.
Man is: I wouldn't even endeavor to ask. He's so busy with the new issue and all the changes we're making.
This is: Stressful—for me. It doesn't seem to stress him out for some reason. I guess he just knows that he'll get it all done.
Goal for the day: Day 2 of Blueprint Cleanse is going along quite well. I'm not hungry at all. Like yesterday, I do miss the act of having lunch or a snack, but I can see that that feeling is on the wane. It's nice to be in total control.
Kabbalah says: Restrict. "Restriction (the decision not to have immediate gratification) is something we have to recommit to every morning if we want to steer our lives in new and exciting direction."First bananas thought: I could totally do this fast for weeks.
Arrive at gym: No gym today. I worked out with Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com). They tell you that you can still workout on the cleanse—in fact, they encourage it.
Workout is: Super duper. I could tell that I wasn't at 100 percent, but I still went for it.
Today's song is: Love Man by Otis Redding
Best lyric is: Six feet one weigh two hundred and ten
Best spam subject line: We need you to confirm your personal information
It's the best because: it's so mean.
I want: I always have to sit back and think on this one. Same with "I wish." I dunno. Umm....
I want to lose 8 pounds this week. I wouldn't normally set out to lose so much. It's actually unhealthy to lose so much. However, I think I will lose that much between the fast and then eating lightly post-fast (which you are supposed to do for a few days).
I love: When the way things are supposed to be starts to show itself to you.
I wish: That everyone reading this would donate to The Pediatric Epilepsy Project. Evan, the son of Vicki Forman, a friend of TFG, fellow blogger on our Blog page, gracious and eloquent writer and truly inspiration woman—you know, one of those people who leaves you better than they found you because they're so steeped in truth and goodness—has passed away. Please click here to read her blog (scroll down to read a few posts) and find out how you can donate—even if it's five dollars. You will be moved by her story.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Everything and nothing.
Being a mom means: Supporting other women.
Being a wife means: Having another adult around to soak up some of the insanity.
Being a business owner means: Working, even when you are exhausted, to get the job done.
Today I ate: Blueprint Cleanse day 2 went well. I wasn't tired or hungry, but I did sorely miss food. I keep forgetting to bring up the details of the cleanse—and you know, I ain't going downstairs into the kitchen right now. Too much temptation.
Today I drank: All six juices, green and white teas and water.
Work was: A lot of writing.
Today I learned: What you focus on expands.
I am: Hearing the faint din of munchkin chatter. Let me check on this...Okay, daughter back into bed.
Tomorrow I will: Seek a spark of sauciness, Bernaise. My writing was a bit bland today.

Electric Avenue

Wake up: 5:13 am
Slept for: Five hours. Up for 20 minutes, then back to sleep for two hours.
First thought is: It's so quiet. I wish I could sleep longer.
Baby is: If I had to title these first months, I would call them "Frampton Comes Alive." I love the whole process of a baby's awakening. You think that they're so alert until you realize how much more alert they've become. He's so alive now. I can't wait for more.
This is: Mostly exciting and good, save the scant times when I feel sad that he's not teeny tiny anymore.
Daughter is: Doing this funny thing where she feigns being mad and attempts to fold her arms in protest. I guess she's not feigning—I mean, she is mad. She's more overly dramatizing how angry she is. However, she winds up doing a genie thing with her arms a la I "Dream of Jeannie."
This is: Really, really funny. I almost want to tell her that she's doing it incorrectly, but I think I'll let her sort it out.
Man is: "Yummers."
This is: His answer.
Goal for the day: Juice it. Today is Day 1 of the Blueprint Cleanser. So far, so good—though I do feel a bit light-headed. I recall this feeling from other cleanses I've done. It doesn't last long.
Kabbalah says: Like attracts like.
First bananas thought: Nothing yet. All I can think about is juice.
Arrive at gym: Planning on going tonight, as long as I feel up to it.
Workout is:
Today's song is: Electric Avenue by Eddy Grant
Best lyric is: Working so hard like a solider
Can't afford a thing on TV
Best spam subject line: Offer 4 U
It's the best because: Did Prince send it?
I want: A jumpsuit.
I love: This cleanse. It is so good. I wasn't hungry at all and I have so much energy, it's almost bizarre. There are six juices. The green ones are a bit funky, but they grow on you and the other ones are so delish. I am so interested to see how I feel tomorrow.
I wish: Everyone realized that they are in control of their happiness.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Buzzin. Really. And I don't know why.
Being a mom means: Not watching trashy shows around your kids.
Being a wife means: Keeping your pappy happy.
Being a business owner means: Giving 'em what they want—before they know they want it.
Out of the mouths of babes: "What's a brag queen?"
Today I ate: Nothing.
Today I drank: I'll detail it tomorrow.
Work was: A bit quiet, actually.
Today I learned: That what you focus on expands.
I am: Alone with the baby. My mom is doing the dinner and bath thing for Ms. Thing at her house and Shawn is playing baseball. Who knew the 6 and 7 o'clock hour could be so calm?
Tomorrow I will: Stay focused and produce.

Juicy

Wake up: 5:45 am
Slept for: Almost 6 hours
First thought is: I have a cold. I've been pounding Coldease tea and acai juice for the past five hours and I used the neti pot. There is no time for a cold.
Baby is: Sleeping on my bed next to me, as I type away on this blog post, putting off the next article that I have to write. He passed out after feeding him and there's no way that I'm going to risk waking him just to get him into this crib and me into my office. Laptops rule.
This is: Not as comfortable as working in my office. Daughter is: At camp—gone from 9 to 3:30. Whoa! (as said in Joey voice).
This is: Whoa!
Man is: "I don't know. This is why I don't have a daily blog."
This is: Him.
Goal for the day: Beat this cold.
Kabbalah says: "If you are beating yourself up because you don't do enough, then it's just your ego talking. But if you are genuinely motivated by these thoughts, then it's your soul speaking."
First bananas thought: I really for some reason think that Harvey Weinstein can help us.
Arrive at gym: No gym today. Not feeling well. I should have gone though—I bet I would have felt better.
Workout is: Going to have to happen tomorrow.
Today's song is: Juicy by Biggie
Best lyric is: I let my tape rock 'til my tape popped
Best spam subject line: Boobies that boggles the mind
It's the best because: The "s" on "boggles."
I want: A cup of tea—and some sympathy.
I love: Tea and Sympathy in NYC.
I wish: The suburbs had better restaurants.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Cleansing
Being a mom means: Mustering energy when you just want to crawl into bed.
Being a wife means: Someone to put the kids to bed when you don't feel well.
Being a business owner means: Macro thinking and micro working.
Out of the mouths of babes: "You're the best boy mom and I could ever love"—as said to her dad.
Today I ate: Super duper mondo cleanly—except for the half cookie and bite of cake at Whole Foods.
Today I drank: Water and tea.
Work was: Victor victorious.
Today I learned: Feeling good and being healthy makes all the difference.
I am: Humbled.
Tomorrow I will: Strip away more layers.

I'm Afraid of Americans

Wake up: 6:00 am
Slept for: Maybe 6 and a half hours. I know I fell asleep before the end of the 11 pm re-airing of PR.
First thought is: Of Les Deux Gamins. It's long-been closed but the rain reminded me of it.
Baby is: Looking like a cartoon character of a baby.
This is: Cute. Though I often wonder about if he weren't so cute, would I so willingly do all of the tedious things for him. Willingly being the operative word—of course I'd still do them and I'd still love him but him being cute makes it easier. Oh, is this why all parents think their kids are cute? Is this nature's way of ensuring that a baby gets taken care of?
Daughter is: Sleeping in our bed with her head on my pillow. She looks huge. She came in pretty late/early morning—maybe 3 or so. She kept me up, twirling my hair. Where's the sleep fairy when you need her?
This is: I don't know. I am so tired when I am sleeping that I just don't even have the mojo to deal.
Man is: Working on new edition, fixing daughter's sunglasses, sewing daughter's shirt, exercising, spending time with family.
This is: Very 220, 221—whatever it takes.
Goal for the day: Get all my work done. This will be a feat since I don't have a sitter today.
Kabbalah says: Count your blessings. "We all have blessings in our lives even if we're having trouble finding a husband or making money or getting our lives on track or battling illness or depression. Even when life seems its darkest, there's always a pilot Light burning. Somewhere. You wouldn't be reading this if there wasn't Light pulsing through your being."
First bananas thought:
Arrive at gym: 8:30-ish.
Workout is: Quick (the fat burning program—33 minutes). It's better than nothing. Will do weights at home.
Today's song is: I'm Afraid of Americans by David Bowie
Best lyric is: God is an American
Best spam subject line: Britney Spears pregnant with antichrist
It's the best because: Of the whole Rosemary's Baby thing
I want: To know who got bounced from PR—because waiting to catch one of the hundred times the episode is re-aired is not acceptable, apparently.
I love: Knowing that things will be okay.
I wish: I don't really wish for anything today.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Using the term "pop off" as much as I can, for the sheer comedy of it—even though I am the only one who finds it so humurous.
Being a mom means: Patience, patience, patience. Of which, I don't have much, but I am learning.
Being a wife means: Trading new and unusual songs.
Being a business owner means: Living outside of your comfort zone for everything.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Grandma, you look better in this picture," said while pointing to a recent (though airbrushed) photo of my mom that sits next to one of her at 36.
Today I ate: Very cleanly except for half a cookie, which instantly gave me a bit of a stomach ache.
Today I drank: Not nearly enough water.
Work was: Swirling—one of those days that has you versus you having it.
Today I learned: Who got kicked off of PR. It took five seconds to click onto the Bravo site and find out. It wasn't fulfilling. Everything is too accessible nowadays.
I am: Going to get some tea.
Tomorrow I will: Cut out coffee in preparation for my Blueprint Cleanse that commences on Monday.

Imperial Teen

Wake up: 5:50 am
Slept for: 6 and a half hours
First thought is: Why does he sleep on the mornings I need him to be up and get up when I'd rather him sleep?
Baby is: Easy. I really shouldn't think complaining thoughts.
This is: An easy thing to eliminate (ungrateful thoughts and thoughts about situations I can do nothing about and will sort out on their own). Ditching those kinds of thoughts will instantly free up energy that is much better invested into something else.
Daughter is: On the brink of entering into Childhood (a must-read Neil Postman's Disappearance of Childhood). It's magical—this time in her life, not Postman's book. His book is insightful and a bit of a call to arms.
This is: So fun for me to be a part of.
Man is: "Working hardily"
This is: Layered.
Goal for the day: Keep my heart open and slay the invasive, energy-sucking thoughts with love and light.
Kabbalah says: "Without knowing your true desires, you don't stand much of a chance of attaining them."
First bananas thought: No bananas today.
Arrive at gym: Tonight!
Workout is: Going to happen.
Today's song is: Imperial Teen by Imperial Teen
Best lyric is: I'm up to my neck in party favors, pesticides and pills
Best spam subject line: Brazilian beauty babes having the hots for you
It's the best because: People really fall for this?
I want: Egg whites, portobello mushrooms and avocado on a whole wheat wrap.
I love: Korean delis—or whatever the PC term is for them now.
I wish: The suburbs did more delivery. I guess that wouldn't be very eco-cool.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Cleansing next week.
Being a mom means: Making mac and cheese...a lot.
Being a wife means: Having your own in-house support system.
Being a business owner means: Marathon running.
Out of the mouths of babes:
Today I ate: High fiber cereal and skim milk, cod and salad, sauteed vegetables and white beans—and bites of that dang mac and cheese. It is my kryptonite.
Today I drank: Water—oh, and coffee. I always forget to mention that. It's usually about 1/2 a cup—though some days are multiple cuppers.
Work was: Up and down.
Today I learned: Chewing gum really helps to curb your appetite. The act of chewing distracts you from eating, especially since most eating is not hunger-based, but boredom/habit-based.
I am: Practically just in the middle of my day—or at least it feels like it. The day flew by and I still have so much to accomplish.
Tomorrow I will: Practice restricting my reactions to things even more.

Everybody's Got Their Something

Wake up: 6:00 am
Slept for: Six hours
First thought is: Do I have enough time to get out of the house by 6:30?
Baby is: Getting over his colicky time.
This is: A relief. The doctor said it'd only last a few weeks and she was right.
Daughter is: Going through such a rapid emotional growth spurt at present. Are all ages from now on like this?
This is: Almost daunting to watch but also very inspiring. I am inspired to grow, too.
Man is: Let me email him to see...He says: Working, just working...
This is: I don't know, really.
Goal for the day: Restriction. Clean body. Clean mind.
Kabbalah says: Go against your nature and do what's uncomfortable.
First bananas thought: Oh, lordy—too many to recount.
Arrive at gym: Worked out with Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com). It was awesome. At one point, I was sure I couldn't go on, but I did.
Workout is: Ah ah, push it.
Today's song is: Everybody's Got Their Something by Nikka Costa
Best lyric is: My face to the sky
Dreaming about just how high
I could go and I'll know
When I finally get there
Best spam subject line: Blair: I'm Not Gay, That's Just My Accent
It's the best because: It's sheer comedy.
I want: To do the Blueprint Cleanse. I thought I'd wait until the fall, but Amy just suggested we do it now and I'm totally into it. It scares me, so I know I have to do it.
I love: Finishing up my work for the day.
I wish: Me in a bikini with Caroline and Mikell in Miami circa 2003. The pic is right in front of me on my desk to motivate me to get back to where I once belonged.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Like 5,000 things—all fabulous.
Being a mom means: Understanding other moms' need to protect their children.
Being a wife means: Standing by your man—and nooging him. Does nudge come from nooge?
Being a business owner means: Don't stop believing.
Out of the mouths of babes: There were some gems today and while I endeavored to commit them to memory, lately my memory isn't so committed.
Today I ate: Egg whites, turkey on high fiber bread with mustard, a peach, popcorn, cod and salad.
Today I drank: Water and some red wine. Alcohol sucks. Seriously, it sucks the life out out of you.
Work was: Fast-paced.
Today I learned: It's not about where you start. It's about where you end up.
I am: Sure that the answers are here.
Tomorrow I will: Be even more sure.

Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing

Wake up: 5:50 am
Slept for: About 6 hours
First thought is: Why am I so tired?
Baby is: Hanging in his Kick & Play, trying to sort out how grab the hanging things.
This is: Entertaining him long enough for me to start this post and perhaps make coffee.
Daughter is: Very sweet to him. And he absolutely, wholly adores her. I understand why he's into Shawn and me (we take care of him) but to see this natural response to his sister is so interesting.
This is: Normal, I know—but still fascinating to witness.
Man is: Still sleeping right now.
This is: Fine—he went to bed later than I did. The amount of work required to create and maintain THE FAMILY GROOVE is simply staggering.
Goal for the day: Keep my focus and energy level up. I can feel it on the wane a bit because it's been on high for so long. I used to know a woman called High Voltage (seriously) and her whole things was "Energy Up!" Saying it (kinda actually works) and doing things to support it like working out and cutting out sugar, salt, white flour, high sugar foods like carrots, corn, white potatoes, etc. She got Kylie and Danni Minogue into bomb-ass shape, amongst other celebs. She was onto something.
Kabbalah says: "Move towards that joy today. Let it color your every thought and action. When you lose focus, bring it back to the joy."
First bananas thought: I'm a bit to dim (being very dim—who gets that literary reference?) to get to the bananas level yet.
Arrive at gym: Going tonight after DB3 (dinner, bath, bed, book).
Workout is: Better late than never. Walked into the gym at 9:10 pm or so. I am warrior though. Shooting at the walls of heartache. Bang. Bang. Warriors come out and pla-a-y-yay.
Today's song is: Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing by Stevie Wonder—I though it was just organically in my head, but I just realized that it's used in a commercial and I have the news on in the background.
Best lyric is:
Everybody's got a thing
But some don't know how to handle it
Always reachin' out in vain
Accepting the things not worth having
Best spam subject line: Angelina Jolie...
It's the best because: You know you've imprinted on the popular consciousness when you're used in a spam. It might be my second goal, after being a commentator on VHI. I mean, seriously, I know a few people who do it. What's the big deal about them? No offense to them.
I want: To be a freakin' commentator on VHI shows. Who knows more about pop culture than me? Okay, many people, but I'd still do a good job.
I love: Sparkling water. Seriously, I didn't realize I had it in the house until this evening. Drinking it feels gratifying. It's interactive—and it makes me feel fancy.
I wish: Miley Cyrus wouldn't take the Hannah Montana wig off. She looks much better as a blond.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Grandiose, cinematic scenes in mind that romanticize my day-to-day.
Being a mom means: Calming your own frenetic self down for the sake of your kids.
Being a wife means: Learning that Jeremy Shockey got traded to the Saints.
Being a business owner means: Do do do do do do do do do Do do do do do do do do do
Do the hustle Do do do do do do do do do Do do do do do do do do do
Out of the mouths of babes: "I am going to marry Emmet and Gabby is going to marry me."
Today I ate: Clean and lean.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Intense and productive. We signed with MTVN today.
Today I learned: You don't ask, you don't get.
I am: Going to shower and get back to work.
Tomorrow I will: Pull back the curtain even more.

Dragula

Wake up: 6:45 am
Slept for: Almost 7 hours
First thought is: Thank goodness the baby slept so late.
Baby is: Bored. I totally think he is bored.
This is: Something I can do something about. I have to engage him more. He's almost ready for that play station thingy. What's it called? Oh, yes. The exersaucer.
Daughter is: Out and about with her grandmother, dressed as if she were going to lunch with the Queen.
This is: Cute, yet puzzling.
Man is: Playing softball. His two hours a week out of the house is over in an hour.
This is: Actually not true. He plays one night a week, for a total of four hours out of the house.
Emails to check: 30 something.
Goal for the day: Do things that will sustain my positive feelings like eating cleanly, folding the pile of towels on my bed versus watching them sit there all day (bad feng shui), drinking lots of water, completing my work to-do lists sans grumblings, etc.
Kabbalah says: "How much pain and trouble is caused because we misinterpret what people say and do to us? It's our ego-centric nature to think the worst and to take everything personally. It's not in our nature to think, I wonder what's going on for him right now? What pain inside caused him to do or say that?"
First bananas thought: I could change my blog name to MWA (Mothers with Attitude). Nah. You have to be pretty badass to pull an NWA pastiche like that off.
Arrive at gym: 9:50 am
Workout is: Just cardio—33 minutes of a weight burning program. I had half an hour of coverage from my mom since Shawn was at his game. I only worked out four times this week—and I begged, borrowed and stole those workouts. It's very difficult to get the time when you're working constantly as well as the sitter coverage when you do have a hot minute to go. It's worth it though. You have to hustle, but it's worth it.
Today's song is: One of the best workout songs ever: Dragula by Rob Zombie
Best lyric is: It's not about the lyrics. It's about the durgy, speed metally guitars.
Best spam subject line: Flat earth society disbanded.
It's the best because: WTF?
I want: To amend my "Today I learned" from yesterday. I learned or I should have learned that fresh bread is my crack cocaine. Bread is whack.
I love: Mondays—unlike Bob Geldof.
I wish: People saw the tumult and strain of the times as an opportunity for growth and change instead of complaining about it ad nauseum.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: These little bumps on my arms that I get, apparently, postpartum. A lot of moms seem to get them and they do go away eventually, but they're a drag in the interim.
Being a mom means: Being hella organized and planning everything.
Being a wife means: I don't know but I am starting to think this topic would make a good book. I bet a lot of women struggle with that question.
Being a business owner means: Thinking big, but working small.
Out of the mouths of babes:
Today I ate: I'm doing well except for the piece(s) of dark chocolate, which actually gave me a headache.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Well, it's way still going. It's going going for a while.
Today I learned: Not sure yet.
I am: 32. I'm freakin' 32. How did I get to be 32?
Tomorrow I will: Reharness my waning energy and push on. I'm thinking it's time to get meditation back into my life.

Street Fighting Man

Wake up: 5:oo-ish
Slept for: 6 hours
First thought is: So many thoughts ricocheted against the walls of my mind today—I couldn't tell you my first thought, if you paid me.
Baby is: Got some little rashy thing on his right cheek. Poor little man. Scarlett never had anything like that. He's all drooly too. She almost never drooled.
This is: It's kinda ugly, I have to say. He's still a dreamboat though.
Daughter is: Doing so majorly great with the potty training. We're just about there.
This is: Good because we've got a little over month to nail it.
Man is: Watering the grass. Yes. Right now. At 9:52 pm.
This is: The first time we've had to water the grass all year.
Emails to check: Today was a less than busy Saturday, emails-wise.
Goal for the day: Finish my work—which I did! And the best part was that there was no other work to do like laundry, cleaning or Whole Fooding. We did all that during the week, including food shopping, which Shawn and Scarlett did last night. I swear, it was almost like a vacation day today, what with only have to concentrate on work and the kids.
Kabbalah says: To ask the light for help. And so I have.
First bananas thought: Oh my! There were so many today. My mom sat in back of Madonna and her brood at services today. This nugget started me on a speeding train of thoughts, ranging from we'll get her to do a TFG interview to we'll get her to invest in the company. It ended, as Madonna fantasies do, with us being friends.
Arrive at gym: 3:30-ish
Workout is: Good. Preprogrammed weight loss course. Burned 400 calories in 33 minutes.
Today's song is: Street Fighting Man by The Rolling Stones—but I was thinking Street Fighting Mom. And I momentarily considered changing my blog title to that, but, really, I'm no street fighter.
Best lyric is:
Hey! Think the time is right for a palace revolution
But where I live the game to play is compromise solution
Best spam subject line: Guinness record boobs
It's the best because: Guinness record boobs? Because it's freakin' hysterical.
I want: To go to sleep.
I love: When the littles are sleeping.
I wish: I knew if I should nix this question. I'm not really a wisher.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Knocking down my house and rebuilding greenly—and getting a camera crew/TV show to document it.
Being a mom means: Going swimming with your daughter at 7, even though it's easier to stay home and clean up from the day.
Being a wife means: Thinking about someone else.
Being a business owner means: Focus and agility.
Out of the mouths of babes: "This is my jam!"
Today I ate: Well...until dinner. Same song, different day.
Today I drank: Not nearly enough water. Don't know why either.
Work was: What it was.
Today I learned: I am not alone.
I am: Really, truly tired—which I rarely am.
Tomorrow I will: Workout, work and Mommy.

Lucky Man

Wake up: 4:50 am
Slept for: 5 1/2 hours
First thought is: No choice. Have to get up.
Baby is: Not up. Not even stirring. Of course. The one day I want him to be up so I can feed him and put him back to sleep in time to leave for training with Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com), he's stone cold sleeping.
This is: What it is. I woke him at 5:30 upon hearing the faintest peep. And my plan worked, he was back to crib by 6 and slept until 7 or so.
Daughter is: Being taught that she is in control of her thoughts and her happiness lives in her ability to make good decisions and understand that everything is a choice.
This is: Maaaaaajor.
Man is: Let me ask him. We're actually in the same room. "Man is:" Inaudible groan. "Making fake cookies." A few minutes later... "Man is: Using hot dogs for fingers."
This is: Patient of him.
Emails to check: An unusually small amount—something like 5.
Goal for the day: Get the hell out of my comfort zone—for everything.
Kabbalah says: This is my paraphrase: Go where the difficult is. If it's easy, then it's not for you. Out of the hard work and challenge, comes the light.
First bananas thought: I should write a book about how to overcome blowing your diet when you hit your bad eating hours. You know, for some it's from 5 to 7 (like me), for others it's earlier and for some it's late night but many of us hit a time when our resolve is withered and we make one bad food choice and then the flood gates open.
Arrive at gym: Arrived at Lori's at 6:25 am
Workout is: The best yet. I almost couldn't do it toward the end. I was dripping with sweat and just about ready to give up. That's how you're supposed to do it, people.
Today's song is: Lucky Man by The Verve
Best lyric is: But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?
Best spam subject line: Madonna admits to adultery.
It's the best because: Just the mere mention of her Madgesty sends me.
I want: Ummm...nothing really.
I love: Kettle One martinis, shaken, dry, with olives.
I wish: Laundry folded itself. I think I wish this or some semblance of this fairly often. I should bigger my wishes.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: A little rectangle of happiness called The Magic Eraser. Dudes, it is magic.
Being a mom means: One handed eating.
Being a wife means: Understanding traditional male and female roles. Now, it doesn't mean adhering to them, but you should understand the paradigm.
Being a business owner means: Faith.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Oh, Mommy, your dress is beeee-u-ti-fil. You look like a princess." About a dress that barely fit and, truly, honestly, looked terrible on me.
Today I ate: Super duper. So clean. Gold star for me.
Today I drank: Water and a martini.
Work was: Good.
Today I learned: It's best to kill 'em with kindness.
I am: Not going to edit that last article tonight. Mental juice fading...
Tomorrow I will: Stress less. Live more.

Synchronicity II

Wake up: 5 am
Slept for: 6 hours
First thought is: I can't go to the gym. I need this morning time to work.
Baby is: Aware. So aware.
This is: The time to step it up and start engaging him even more.
Daughter is: Aware. So aware.
This is: Time to step it up and start shaping the realities of which she is aware.
Man is: Let me email to see. Okay, Man is: Thinking...always thinking.
This is: Good. We be needing some solutions thunk up.
Emails to check: 20 something, I think.
Goal for the day: Do what I say I am going to do without oozing to much gusto.
Kabbalah says: "Today, make sure your needs are met. Not the superficial desires, but the deep yearnings of your soul. Get enough air in your lungs so you'll have that much more energy to truly help others."
First bananas thought: As thought with a stain of sheer panic: They're going to do it first. We need to be first.
Arrive at gym: I have no idea when I'd be able to go to the gym today. Maybe at 5 for a half an hour, during my work pause/dinner time.
Workout is: Just not happening today. 5 came and went without a break in work.
Today's song is: Synchronicity II
Best lyric is: Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration
But we know all the suicides are fake
Daddy only stares into the distance
There's only so much more that he can take
Best spam subject line: Elloelloello
It's the best because: It makes me think of the few years (say 18 to 22) when I was English.
I want: Promise, dammit!
I love: Porsche sunglasses. Timeless.
I wish: They made biodegradable diapers, so I wouldn't have to feel so bad. Do they, actually?
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Courtney Love. Why is she still the coolest ever? Have you seen the image on her homepage? Did Kurt help her with Live Through This with her? This question has plagued me for like 14 years.
Being a mom means: The one-handed feed and the one-handed type.
Being a wife means: Making time.
Being a business owner means: Lateral thinking.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Ice cream makes me feel better." To which I said: "No, it doesn't; it just tastes good. Thinking happy thoughts makes you feel better." Oh, if only I had known that earlier on in life.
Today I ate: This high fiber cereal with a picture of a slightly older guy and a girl all jazzed up about fiber on the front. It's like an SNL parody.
Today I drank: Water.
Work was: Pretty productive.
Today I learned: The universe listens to what you tell it and answers what you ask of it.
I am: In the middle of the bath and bed marathon.
Tomorrow I will: Grow.

Can't Catch Me

Wake up: 5 to get the baby. 6 for real.
Slept for: I really don't know what time I fell asleep last night. I know it was before I finished folding the laundry. I wish there were a laundry folding fairy. I guess they're actually called housekeepers.
First thought is: I have so much time to do all the things I want to do like put in another laundry, edit an article, return emails before I go to the gym. Seriously, this was my thought and it made me happy. I love having time to get a jump on things. Waking up early is a key factor in my overall happiness because it helps me to feel in control. I highly recommend it.
Baby is: On day four (or so) of a real baby schedule which includes sleeping through the night, cat-napping from 6 to 11-ish and then mega-napping from 11 to 3 or so. Eventually, he will convert his...sorry, I had to go, he got up. I'm hoping it's just a slight awake pause in his marathon of sleep. I better not talk about this anymore. I think I am angering the parenting gods.
This is: Nothing. Forget it. I said nothing about a schedule or sleep. Never mind any of it.
Daughter is: Out with her sitter, a gem of a girl who's been in our lives for two years now. We got lucky with her.
This is: Comforting. She's smart, responsible, patient and conscientious and having her spend time with Scarlett doesn't make me feel guilty about not spending the time with her myself.
Man is: I am going to email him to find out. He is downstairs in his office, by the way. He says: Still here.
This is: Going to plague me for hours, days, weeks, as to its meaning, when it probably means nothing. Oh, just got a follow-up email with subject line "Just Kidding" and text that reads: Man is not that grouchy today. Gratuitous wonderment and ill-drawn conclusions averted.
Emails to check: I think there where a decent amount, but it's been six hours since I checked them and millions of thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams have replaced that speck of info.
Goal for the day: Pay very close attention to my words and, hence, my thoughts.
Kabbalah says: "Keep working, moving forward, sharing and caring about the people who cross your path. You'll get your slice in due time. The harder you work for it, the tastier it'll be."
First bananas thought: Harvey Weinstein would be good on this project. He thinks big and takes chances.
Arrive at gym: 8:00 am
Workout is: Good. Not enough time for weights—I just got there 20 minutes too late. I did have time for 36 minutes of cardio on the Precor, levels 5 and 6 of the weight loss program. I cannot stress enough how much better it is to do the preprogrammed workouts. I'll do pushups, dips and free weights at home today. And know that I've typed it out, I have to do it.
Today's song is: Can't Catch Me by Lita Ford
Best lyric is: Don't think I'm easy—I wasn't born blonde
Best spam subject line: Don't be shy
It's the best because: It makes me think of Kajagoogoo. Anything that makes me think of 1983 is the best.
I want: A local all-night (or at least late night) pedicure and manicure place. I think it'd be a hit with the suburban moms—especially if they served drink-drinks.
I love: Do-overs.
I wish: I could see around the corner.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Money.
Being a mom means: Stopping what you are doing, getting up from the computer and taking a minute be there for your child.
Being a wife means: Dividing and conquering.
Being a business owner means: Using what you got.
Out of the mouths of babes: Mama, I want you. Oh, forget it. Daddy's coming.
Today I ate: Good—pretty similar to yesterday's menu but I had oatmeal and berries for breakfast.
Today I drank: Coffee, green tea, water.
Work was: Productive. I know something big is brewing.
Today I learned: What you focus on expands.
I am: Going to stay focused on watching what I focus on.
Tomorrow I will:

This is Radio Clash

Wake up: 4:45 am (I think)
Slept for: 6 or so hours
First thought is: Way too tired to think.
Baby is: Probably fine even though he is stirring.
This is: Loud. Stirring is freakin' loud.
Daughter is: Tired a lot lately because we've been putting her to bed to late.
This is: Stopping.
Man is: Grouchy.
This is: Understandable.
Emails to check: 40 something.
Goal for the day: Be proactive. Make a game plan. Enact that game plan.
Kabbalah says: Break an addictive pattern today. Or at least set the intention to do so.
First bananas thought: Oh, today's speeding train of thoughts kicked up so much dust. I'm still coughing.
Arrive at gym: Still haven't gone. I have 45 minutes to build up the mental juice to go.
Workout is: Nothing so far.
Today's song is: This is Radio Clash by The Clash
Best lyric is: Forces have been looting my humanity
Best spam subject line: Hey hottie, wanna talk?
It's the best because: How do they know I'm hot?
I want: To want to go to the gym.
I love: Chocolate ganache and a very many reality TV shows.
I wish: I could better differentiate between reality and fantasy in my mind's eye.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Feathered hair.
Being a mom means: Having to examine yourself in one of those close-up mirrors—you know, the ones they have in hotel rooms for some reason—every day.
Being a wife means: Not adding it up.
Being a business owner means: Agility.
Out of the mouths of babes: I didn't mentally record any of Scarlett's gems today. That makes me feel a little sad.
Today I ate: Fruit for breakfast, turkey slices and whole grain, high fiber bread for lunch, half a protein bar (low sugar) for lunch, a turkey meatball for snack and fish and veg for dinner. What an accomplishment! I claim victories wherever and whenever I can. It definitely contributes to my overall happiness.
Today I drank: Water with cucumber slices—so I could pretend I was at a spa.
Work was: All over the place, emotionally, but still productive on the writing and editing-front.
Today I learned: You're in control of your own happiness.
I am: Battling.
Tomorrow I will: Win.

Brass Monkey

Wake up: 5:45 am (I heard the babe stirring). Then I passed back out and woke up at 8:30, feeling groggy and even more tired than before.
Slept for: Over 8 hours.
First thought is: I feel hungover. A quick mind scan of the past 12 hours revealed that it would be impossible for me to be hungover because that would've required drinking alcohol. I concluded that I must have been dehydrated from not drinking enough water yesterday.
Baby is: Big, man. He is super big. We call him Smiles McGee because he's the smiliest baby ever seen.
This is: Interesting. I wonder if he'll be using his smiles for good or up-to-no-good.
Daughter is: Basically a teenager. I asked her if she liked any of the boys at her camp (but I meant liked like like not like-like) and when she told me she did, she lit up. I realized her like was like a like-like.
This is: Agita-inducing. It brought up so many issues of liking boys in 7th grade and them not liking me back. All I could think about was that I hoped that boy liked her, too. What? I am hoping a three year old boy likes my three year old girl? Issues, man. I gots issues.
Man is: I should just let him fill in this blank.
This is: This one, too.
Emails to check: 18.
Goal for the day: Food shopping. Check. Gym. Soon. Work. Check.
Kabbalah says: A good one, so I am going to post the whole thing. And, by the way, you substitute the word "light" or "creator" with words like "your higher self, " "god," "the universe."

Consider the light bulb in your ceiling. You flip a switch, and on it goes. But the light bulb is not the source of the light; the real source is an electric generator somewhere you can't even see. And there are rules around how much light can be emitted as well as when and why. The same is true with the Light of the Creator.

One of the common mistakes we all make is to confuse a person or thing with the Light. For instance, nothing feels as good as falling in love. So naturally we associate our girlfriend or boyfriend with those happy feelings and assume that person is the source of them. But it doesn't work that way. No other person can guarantee us the good feelings of love we are after. It's the way we act in relation to other people that brings the Light.

And that's what today is all about. Remembering that ultimately, your relationship to people and places is about your relationship to the Light of the Creator.
First bananas thought: Was in a dream I had last night about opening a cool juice bar called Juice or Cleanse, where people would go and hang and listen to awesome music and read and do all the stuff that people do in coffee houses.
Arrive at gym: Going in about 20 minutes.
Workout is: 33 minutes of a preprogrammed weight loss workout on the Precor (see "What I learned" below) and upper body (triceps, back, shoulders) supersets, complete with dips and pushups in between the sets.
Today's song is: Brass Monkey by the Beastie Boys
Best lyric is: Like the whole song but if I had to narrow it down:
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
Best spam subject line: Nothing today.
It's the best because: Pass.
I want: Something cute to wear to Anna's baby shower tomorrow.
I love: Butter.
I wish: I were more motivated tonight to finish my work.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: The mess in my foyer.
Being a mom means: Doing what you say you're going to do.
Being a wife means: This is so interesting to me because I am often so stumped by the question. I mean so stumped that I wonder if I should just change it to "Being a partner means" or "Being in a relationship means."
Being a business owner means: Staying in the ring.
Out of the mouths of babes: "Mom, can I have some of your rolling paper?" She meant wrapping paper.
Today I ate: Salmon sushi roll made with whole grain rice from Whole Foods and vegetables for breakfast. We went shopping early and had breakfast there and the aforementioned were better options over egg and cheese on a roll. Turkey slices and a plum for lunch. Half a protein bar for snack (with no sugar!). Shrimp cocktail, salad and chicken for dinner. Fruit and two cookies for dessert. All that controlled eating was ruined in minute.
Today I drank: Water and a few sips of red wine.
Work was: Good. Still going, though I am fading.
Today I learned: That it's better to do your cardio with one of the preprogrammed workouts. I did the weight loss workout and got my heart rate up to 148 almost immediately. I burned 400 calories in 33 (I think it was 33—it was an odd number) minutes. I usually only burn about 300 to 310 in 30 minutes. Just be sure to raise the resistance level to at least 5. I did the easier parts at 6 and the harder parts at 5. Also, Lori (www.mommy-moves.com) told me that I was not to hold onto the handles anymore when doing my cardio. It makes it much harder, but you're forced to activate (hence, tone) your core and the movement of your arms increases your total body output.
I am: Biting my nails in between answering these questions.
Tomorrow I will: Do better.