Purple Murple

K, so number one: I had a private training session with the mighty Lori Sawyer (www.mommy-moves.com) today. She is three weeks away from birthing a human being and she looks like a super model with Linda Hamilton in Terminator Whatever arms. I had to. I had to do it. I have to get back on track. The rock star supplements helped me lose some weight (and body fat, too—how cool is that?), but I need to work out. So, I signed up for two personal sessions next week plus I intend on taking two of her Mommy-Moves classes (workout classes with stroller in tow).

Peeps, I am so ready to rule again. I am so ready to look awesome. I feel like Christmas is a-coming and I'm at the top of the good list. I am sorry—I don't care how educated you are, how globally conscious you are, how unaffected and down-to-earth you are or what the freak is going on in your life, if you don't feel like you look good, you are not a happy camper.

So, that's that deal.

We have our first event, THE FAMILY GROOVE's Spring Fling on May 1 and I am ready to rock the casbah. By the way, if you are in NJ, email me (jillian@thefamilygroove.com and I will put you on the list for our bananas event. Bananas.

And now, for number two/the reason I signed on to blog: Barney. He sucks. He's gross. He's the opposite of Prince. My friend (well, I've never met her in person, but we email every day and she's a star amongst stars, so I guess we're friends in this newfangled, postmodern world)]who lives in Russia now, says this about his purple loserness: "Do you know that we get Barney here now??!?! (maybe he will be exposed for perversion like dear dear Peewee Herman...(I really liked THAT show) My little doodads still click their eyes to it...in my best bi.chy voice of disdain: 'Barney?!!! Yuk!!!'"

Shawn and I hate him, too. We see him every now and again whilst flicking to find Scarlett her shows. We hold our breath for the nanosecond that the TV passes through the channel that houses that purple people eater. I am not sure why we hate him, but we do.

Ready for the best/worst? Well, here it goes: I ordered Blues Clues decorations online for her birthday. Blues Clues is mega watchable, although Steve is the way. Joe—not so much. Joe is a faker. So, I get the decorations—and feel so mom-proud that I was awesome enough to give her a Blues Clues birthday—and upon their arrival and immediate savage-like opening, I discover that it's not lovely Blues Clues that I ordered, it's Blue and Friends. Well, guess who's friend of that big bugger. Yup, Barney! Freakazoid Barney infiltrated my daughter's second birthday party.

I always knew he was a louse, but this confirmed it.