Army of Me

June 29, 2008

Wake up: 7 something
Slept for: 7 hours
First thought is: Why do boys in their late teens and twenties treat girls so badly? Why do girls go in for it? I wonder if Scarlett and Marlon will be that way.
Baby is: Easy. So many people freaked me out about a second child. I think it's easier now because I know what to expect. No paradigm shift—I was already a mom. No loss of perspective—because you know how quickly even the worst of it goes by. And, really, Scarlett was easy, too. It was me who was difficult.
This is: A relief.
Daughter is: Obsessed with putting her babies to sleep. There are dolls—face down, mind you—under covers in every room of our house. It's like a baby minefield.
This is: Endearing and a bit annoying. We try to keep them cordoned off in her room and in the den, but it rarely works.
Man is: A damn hard worker.
This is: Good. There's a lot to be done.
Emails to check: 30
Goal for the day: Gym, if it's white do not bite, have fun with my gang
Kabbalah says: "Kabbalists differentiate between two types of jealousy.

The first is the one we're all familiar with, whether we want to admit it or not. It's the pinch in our hearts when our friend gets what we want. That part of us that says, "why him, why not me?"

This is the worst type of jealousy we can ever have.

When we question why someone else is getting something instead of us, that's it, we're cooked. Why? Because when we question why our friend would receive something, we actually disconnect from our friend.

We create division. What happens the moment we create division with our friend? We create a separation between us and the Light. The Light, of course, being the best, most reliable, loving friend we could ever have.

Not only do we not have what we want, but we're also not happy with our friend; we've created a wall between us and them - and ultimately between us and the Light. This keeps us from getting what we want.

It's a vicious circle. Nothing good comes of it.

What shall be done?

Kabbalists explain there is a form of jealousy that is very positive. It's that voice that says, "Wow, I'm so happy for my friend, I'm glad he has that ! You know what, I want that too! I'd be glad to work for that!"

The first type of jealousy emanates purely from the realm of ego and separation. The second is motivational, and it empowers us to work with the law of cause and effect. It shows us the reason we want what our friend has is because they were sent into our life to make us want what they have - to show us that we can have it too!

Of course, we have to work for it, but when we're chasing down our dream, there can't be a consciousness of lack."
First saving-the-world thought: I would like to start a local campaign to ban chemical cleaners and pesticides from public schools.
First bananas thought: The director of Scarlett's little day camp got Lyme Disease. Scarlett can never go outside.
Arrive at gym: 9:30 or so. I knew that I was going to steal some time to go today but wasn't sure when, especially with my mom working and Shawn at his game until 12 and then working for a good part of the rest of the day. However, my mom called at 9:25 to let me know that her clients were late and she could watch the kids for 45 minutes. I threw on clothes, grabbed my iPod and was ready to run out the door as soon as stepped in. And that's the key, people. You have to be flexible. You do have at least half an hour a day to devote to being fit, even if it's rushed in the middle of a million other activities.
Weight is: Same. I really should just check it weekly.
Weight to lose: Same.
Workout is: Great. 30 minutes, level 7, max hear rate 148, 330 calories burned.
Today's song is: Army of Me by Bjork
Best lyric is: And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
Best spam subject line: Upgrade the bazooka in your pants.
I want: To get to the point where my actions meet my intentions with this weight loss thing. My actions are often quite high as are my intentions but when you have so much weight to lose and you want to do it rather expeditiously, there's little room for error. And by error, I mean cookies and macaroni and cheese from Whole Foods.
I love: Quiet time.
I wish: Mary Poppins would tidy up my den.
I am totally, majorly obsessing over: Money.
Being a mom means: Staying present.
Being a wife means: Staying present.
Being a business owner means: Preparing.
Today I ate: Relatively cleanly minus the barbecue potato chips.
Today I drank: Water and two sips of a soda that somehow found it's way into our house.
Heard at my dinner table: Maybe it was thunder or maybe it was lions.
Work was: Productive—though by Sunday, without any time off leading up to it, I am pretty spent.
I am: Uninspired.
Tomorrow I will: Be inspired again.